Feels like the first time...
Only a bit worse I think. Damn, I had such an easy time of it on Round 2, I can't believe that this one hit me so hard. Wed was fine, Thurs was average but then it went downhill from there. Glad that 'the worst part' (the FEC treatment) is overwith because I sure wouldn't want to have to feel like this 3 more times. More gravol and sleep I think, maybe when I wake up tomorrow I'll feel better. Dave's been an angel keeping a cold cloth on my head, making sure I don't pass out, bringing me juice and tea, holding me when I feel like crying and generally doing everything I could ever ask. I know everyone's thinking about me and I thank you all for your thoughts - they'll get me through this yet again. I just want this chemical soup to do it`s job and get out of my body!
One step forward, 2 steps back...
Well, not so great today. Not horrible but certainly more tired and queasy than last time but good old Gravol and napping seems to help. I mentioned this to my home care nurse (that I was curious why this time I wouldn't feel as well) and she said 'maybe because you're going through chemo? Yep, I keep forgetting . After all this is #3 and I guess the battery acid accumulates in you after a while. I'll just take it easy, try to keep drinking, napping and not eating anything heave. So far, toast, oatmeal and I'm thinking applesauce and ice cream... mmm. Dave's home tonight - yeah - and I'm sure tomorrow will be better. I'll just keep reminding myself that I need to get better so I can truly enjoy my time at Pawleys and not do ANYTHING to jeopardize that! I'll be a good girl this time.
Woah, we're halfway there!
Quoting the every gorgeous Mr. Bon Jovi of course. "Whooah, were half way thereLivin on a prayerTake my hand and well make it - I swear Livin on a prayer".
T-3 is in the books and I'm FINISHED with FEC-D - my first treatment protocol, yahoo. This was the real industrial strength one that was recommended because I was healthy enough to handle it and, all in all, it's been much better than expected. A few bumps in the road along the way but usually 1 week of feeling about 75%, then 2 weeks of feeling about 95% so I surely can't complain.
There was a young woman (mid 30's?) beside me at my chemo session who was on the same treatment protocol as me but one treatment ahead so she had started the Taxotere/Herceptin mix. Nice lady and after we'd chatted a bit she said, "if we're on the same treatment schedule, how did you manage to keep your hair??" Best thing anyone could ever have said to me since I still feel self conscious wearing Wanda. Everyone to date that's said it looks good is a good friend and I'm never quite sure whether they mean it or are being polite. Well, now I have the confirmation that we're a good looking pair from a completely unbiased stranger - thank you whoever you are since I didn't get her name. Kathleen came with me and it was a great 4 hour bond-fest and she got to get all the 'learning' about the next phase. I'm glad since she missed the first teaching session. It took her a bit longer to wrap her head around all of this and get past the shock and fear, but she's right there now and realizes how wonderful the nurses and doctors are and that their goal is to make this as pleasant a phase as possible and minimize any discomfort.
Well, now I'm tired and off to bed. I'll be on the IV tomorrow and Fri, skip Sat to go to Louise's dads funereral service then one more 'drip day' on Sunday. Lots of good stuff happening over the next 2 weeks - including getting ready to go to Pawleys on the 6th for 8 day - can't wait since Laura, Sara and Emily are coming too! I can't wait to spend lots of beach time with Emy. She's only a2 months away from being 2, chattering up a storm and I'm sure we'll have lots of fun digging in the sand, chasing birds and playing in the ocean and pool, what fun! Signing off and thanks for the continued good wishes.
T-3 is in the books and I'm FINISHED with FEC-D - my first treatment protocol, yahoo. This was the real industrial strength one that was recommended because I was healthy enough to handle it and, all in all, it's been much better than expected. A few bumps in the road along the way but usually 1 week of feeling about 75%, then 2 weeks of feeling about 95% so I surely can't complain.
There was a young woman (mid 30's?) beside me at my chemo session who was on the same treatment protocol as me but one treatment ahead so she had started the Taxotere/Herceptin mix. Nice lady and after we'd chatted a bit she said, "if we're on the same treatment schedule, how did you manage to keep your hair??" Best thing anyone could ever have said to me since I still feel self conscious wearing Wanda. Everyone to date that's said it looks good is a good friend and I'm never quite sure whether they mean it or are being polite. Well, now I have the confirmation that we're a good looking pair from a completely unbiased stranger - thank you whoever you are since I didn't get her name. Kathleen came with me and it was a great 4 hour bond-fest and she got to get all the 'learning' about the next phase. I'm glad since she missed the first teaching session. It took her a bit longer to wrap her head around all of this and get past the shock and fear, but she's right there now and realizes how wonderful the nurses and doctors are and that their goal is to make this as pleasant a phase as possible and minimize any discomfort.
Well, now I'm tired and off to bed. I'll be on the IV tomorrow and Fri, skip Sat to go to Louise's dads funereral service then one more 'drip day' on Sunday. Lots of good stuff happening over the next 2 weeks - including getting ready to go to Pawleys on the 6th for 8 day - can't wait since Laura, Sara and Emily are coming too! I can't wait to spend lots of beach time with Emy. She's only a2 months away from being 2, chattering up a storm and I'm sure we'll have lots of fun digging in the sand, chasing birds and playing in the ocean and pool, what fun! Signing off and thanks for the continued good wishes.
My thoughts are with Louise today.
Louise's father Pat passed away today after a long struggle with Alzheimer's and cancer.
Louise and I met 8 years ago, became colleagues, then friends. Over the years we've shared books, recipes, stories, a crazy adventure or two, favourite TV shows and laughs. We've also shared the sad times over the deaths of both our mothers, joys and happy times of our kids growing, marrying and making us Nanas together. With Sandy, Louise and I, we always seem to be 'in step' on many of life's major joys and tragedies. My sister and I were at the hospital caring for my Dad in his last weeks when Louise's dad was admitted on the same floor. We visited each other's Dads and each other those couple of weeks with Louise and I running back to the office 'on shifts' to cover each other. Her Dad was, unfortunately, diagnosed with terminal lung cancer the week our Dad passed away - April 2007. Over this past year he has struggled with the dual burden of the cancer and progressive Alzheimers but Louise moved in with him and has been his primary caregiver all these months. It's been a hard and tragic time for her but the joy of her first grandson, the wedding of her youngest daughter and the pending birth of grandchild #2 has been the bright spot on many dark days.
Today is the end of that tough road for them both. Mr. Doyle, may you rest in peace and Louise - bless you for all you have done these past months. What little we could do to support you in your most challenging times never seemed to be enough. Rest now, dear friend, and know that we are with you in thought and mind as you put YOUR life back together and enjoy the wonderful family and friends that care about you and love your spirit and generous being.
Louise and I met 8 years ago, became colleagues, then friends. Over the years we've shared books, recipes, stories, a crazy adventure or two, favourite TV shows and laughs. We've also shared the sad times over the deaths of both our mothers, joys and happy times of our kids growing, marrying and making us Nanas together. With Sandy, Louise and I, we always seem to be 'in step' on many of life's major joys and tragedies. My sister and I were at the hospital caring for my Dad in his last weeks when Louise's dad was admitted on the same floor. We visited each other's Dads and each other those couple of weeks with Louise and I running back to the office 'on shifts' to cover each other. Her Dad was, unfortunately, diagnosed with terminal lung cancer the week our Dad passed away - April 2007. Over this past year he has struggled with the dual burden of the cancer and progressive Alzheimers but Louise moved in with him and has been his primary caregiver all these months. It's been a hard and tragic time for her but the joy of her first grandson, the wedding of her youngest daughter and the pending birth of grandchild #2 has been the bright spot on many dark days.
Today is the end of that tough road for them both. Mr. Doyle, may you rest in peace and Louise - bless you for all you have done these past months. What little we could do to support you in your most challenging times never seemed to be enough. Rest now, dear friend, and know that we are with you in thought and mind as you put YOUR life back together and enjoy the wonderful family and friends that care about you and love your spirit and generous being.
Free bird....
Dave, not me. Kissed him goodbye as he headed out to Phoenix Sat morning until next Thurs. Poor guy has to spend the next 5 days at a beautiful Arizona resort, play golf and sandwich a few days of business meetings into his recreational activities! Seriously, they'll get a lot of work done but it's sure nice to do it in a beautiful spot - especially when it's 98F, sunny and not humid. I'm drooling with envy. Taking Miss Daisy to Swiss Chalet today for lunch (I REALLY need to get out of the house), then starting some painting. We started the project on the stairs in the spring then got stumped by how to finish so painting the spindles white may get our butts in gear to decide on the final solution. It would be sooooooo nice to get this finished and the main floor hardwood done by Christmas. The deck demolition may get done this fall as well (hopefully the end of October), ready for reconstruction outside in preparation for Kathleen & Chris' wedding in July. Starting to tick off tasks in that regard. We've got the food ordered and they're bottled their wine yesterday... mmmmm. Bathrooms will get done in the spring too - when I'm back at work and am living above the poverty line again! It was very disappointing not to get to Chudleighs for apple picking on Saturday with Sara and Emy but I couldn't chance picking up her cold - delaying any of my treatments is the last thing I want to do. Normally I wouldn't have given it a second thought, now I'm turning into a nervous Nellie. Once Tuesday's done I'll be 50% there, yeah! Probably shouldn't be taking the time and $$ to go to Pawleys but it's essential for my sanity - I can honestly say that I think & feel completely differently when I'm there - it's my own personal little mind-escape. Kathleen and Chriss will come and stay at the house so I'm reassured Grandma isn't on her own for 8 days. I'm hoping next weekend will be nice enough for a hike through Mono Cliffs park - I love it there in the fall. I love fall in general and especially this year knowing that all this treatment mess will be done by fall's end. I'm also very happy that Laurie's mom Pat arrived home from her exciting S. American mission trip yesterday and is probably, as I write, cuddling her new grandson in her arms for the first time. Enjoy Pat, he's been waiting for Grandma Pat and Grandpa John's snuggles for 18 days! Hope to see you really soon. Maggie's due to arrive October 1st. It will be great to see her again before she heads back west. Party on the 4th, yahoo!
Up and down, up and down....
That's how it's felt the past week or so... either I'm busy and involved, or doing nothing - and I mean nothing. Between attending Twisted Lemon's fabulous California Wine class last Saturday night, a work-related meeting, being part of the judging committee for our Small Business Week activity and seeing a great independent movie on Monday ('The Visitor - excellent!), there have been some interesting, mind-tuning things going on. In between, however, is the NOTHING - sounds like something from The Neverending Story. I have come to realize that I'm not a homebody - I don't do projects or crafts, not much of a cook (we don't starve), hate housework and have an uncanny ability to put off all those little things that should get done. I had a long talk with myself yesterday and 'we' came to the conclusion that I will go absolutely crazy unless I start putting some structure into my days to get even some small things accomplished. Now I know how miserable it can be for people who retire that don't have 'a plan'.... I surely didn't have a plan when I went into all of this, probably assuming that I wouldn't feel much like doing anything healthwise. Unfortunately - fortunately, really! - I feel fine except for a few days after treatment. I will go absolutely stir-crazy unless I get myself motivated and start making lists of things that really could be accomplished over the next months. Even small things like cleaning out our office, cleaning and sorting closets, really going through the storage room downstairs, some small painting projects etc. will keep me occupied. Won't add to my skill level on a resume but I'm sure I'll feel much better when they're done - kind of like those government 'make work' projects. I'll just keep telling myself that. That's my moan for the day - not very informative or creative but it will have to do.
Is there anything better?
Than the smell of a new baby's neck? Or head, or fingers... I was so lucky to get to spend all afternoon in Cayuga yesterday snuggling little Rion, changing a diaper (gee, I still remember how!) and hanging out with Rawny and Jaclyn for a while after school. I don't know that I accomplished much to help out other than the girls and I doing some baby clothes sorting but I think it gave Dan and Laurie some small slots of time to get back to business - which hasn't stopped a tick since Rion's arrival. I was telling Laurie that most new moms have quit work and come home to taking care of baby, hubby and household - she's come home to a busy, full time job (their busiest season is just getting into gear), a brand new baby who dictates the feeding schedule, a hubby who's fortunately there to help out but is still the 'key man' in the business, and two active little girls who luckily are in love with their little brother and will be a great help as the weeks go on. It will all get worked out but I was glad to even give them a couple of 1/2 hour slots to answer phone calls, respond to e-mails and talk to each other uninterrupted. I was, of course, in lah lah land with a baby to snuggle, rock, sniff and just hold. I'll be back on Saturday to hopefully provide some more of the same and Sara will help as they get ready for their wine class that night. After Laurie does her intro at the class, I'm glad she'll be heading home with Rion for some quiet mommy/baby time. Terry, Dan and crew will have everything well in hand and Sara and I are looking forward to tasting some delicious California wines and remarkable food. If only they weren't 1 1/2 hours away!
Ups and downs
Well, it was a busy week last week. Between T#2, Rion's arrival on Thurs, lots of running around on Friday then heading to Pointe au Baril, I guess I'm not surprised that I 'crashed' on Saturday. Probably sat in the sun too long, didn't drink enough after being unhooked from my IV and generally just pretended there was nothing wrong with me... wrong. I spent most of Saturday afternoon on the couch either sleeping or dozing while everyone else had a great dinner and sat around the fire. Oh, well, Sunday was better but still not good enough for me to get out on the boat other than to get back to the dock. My great plans to take Laura and Jamie to Henry's for fresh fish (on the boat) never happened. Nausea and a 2 hour boat ride probably wouldn;t have been the best company! Taking it easy today around the house, avoiding Grandma who has a cold and wiping everything with my Lysol wipes that could harbour a germ!
Finally heard from one of my friends on Provo - Grand Turk and South Caicos are pretty much destroyed after Hanna and Ike - airport control tower, hospital, government buildings, jail etc. will all have to be rebuilt. Provo is just starting to get power back after 2 weeks and it will take time before things are anywhere near normal. Glad to hear that there were no major injuries but this was the worst hurricane they've had since the 60's and Ike is still packing a powerful punch as he heads to the US gulf coast - not what they need again either.
Well, my plan is to get to Cayuga on Wed to deliver some stuff to Dan and Laurie, spend some time with Rion so they can get some other things done. Between the post-baby-birth hormone crash, sleep deprivation and a business to run, they're run ragged and just trying to keep up at the moment. If I can help out a bit that will be great. Sara and I will be heading to the wine class on Saturday night and then they can get their bearings back a bit before the next Twisted Lemon class series gets under way. I remember well the feeling of being frazzled when I brought Kathleen home with 2 others under 5 to look after - CRAZY!!! but somehow we manage to muddle through.
Finally heard from one of my friends on Provo - Grand Turk and South Caicos are pretty much destroyed after Hanna and Ike - airport control tower, hospital, government buildings, jail etc. will all have to be rebuilt. Provo is just starting to get power back after 2 weeks and it will take time before things are anywhere near normal. Glad to hear that there were no major injuries but this was the worst hurricane they've had since the 60's and Ike is still packing a powerful punch as he heads to the US gulf coast - not what they need again either.
Well, my plan is to get to Cayuga on Wed to deliver some stuff to Dan and Laurie, spend some time with Rion so they can get some other things done. Between the post-baby-birth hormone crash, sleep deprivation and a business to run, they're run ragged and just trying to keep up at the moment. If I can help out a bit that will be great. Sara and I will be heading to the wine class on Saturday night and then they can get their bearings back a bit before the next Twisted Lemon class series gets under way. I remember well the feeling of being frazzled when I brought Kathleen home with 2 others under 5 to look after - CRAZY!!! but somehow we manage to muddle through.
The happiest days are the days that babies come - Melanie Hamilt2:43on 'Gone with the Wind'
Rion James Megna made his beloved early arrival on Thurs Sept 4th at 2:43 (?). After a long night but relatively short 'tough part', Laurie produced our newest beautiful grandchild much to the delight of Dan and big sisters Rawyny and Jaclyn. At 7lb 14oz he's just perfect and probably has more hair than I do! It didn't take long for the excited guests to arrive. Auntie Dawn, Grandpa Jack and Grandma Judy, Auntie's Sara, Kathleen, Uncle Chris, Cousin Emily and cousins Britt and Clay all were there to welcome him to the family. Grandma Pat will be so thrilled to see him when she returns from the Galapagos islands on the 20th. Pappy Peter got the news from Dan and will be anxiously awaiting to see his new grandson when he arrives in a couple of weeks. Nana Cathy and Grandpa Dave arrived last but were graciously allowed to stay past visiting hours to snuggle and cuddle a few extra minutes. Auntie's Andrea and Maggie will see him soon - Mag arrives from out west on Oct 1st. I'm sure 'Uncle Matt and Aunt Vaness' will arrive today for their own oohs and aahs. Matt and Dan have been best friends since they were born and I'm sure there are lots of Leafs games in the boys' futures! All our best wishes for this wonderful new addition to our family. He will be much loved, cared for and welcomed to a large clan that gives with love every day and truly believes 'it takes a village to raise a child'. We're all looking forward to be a part of that wondrous journey.
T2... what a treat!
The actual treatment went as per ususal. There is no pain, no reaction during the treatment and the volunteers like to come around with food/drinks - very nice. I rant into a lady that started the same treatment as me the same day 3 weeks ago - she had no nausea/sickness at all but got a fever on the Sunday and ended up in hospital for 4 days on antibiotics - no fun. I guess it's true that you really need to be vigilant about being around people with colds, washing doorknobs etc. My blood counts were even higher than the initital readings so that's great and my echocardigram shows the ticker is still ticking!
With much discussion about my reaction last time, we changed the prototcol and got rid of the anti-nausea Stemetil I was taking and replaced it with good old garden variety gravol - works like a charm. No nausea at all. I still take the Zofran every 12 hours over day 1 and 2 and the Decadron day 1/2/3 but then the Gravol every 4 hours and the ATivan to keep me pretty laid back. I'm hooked up to an IV hydradtion drip today and tomorrow for 4 hours each day but R2D2 and I just wander around the first floor between the kitchen table to work, the kitchen for food, the bathroom and the couch for chillin! The CCAC case worker is due any minute to do an assessment but if this is the pattern, I'm good with this for sure!
With much discussion about my reaction last time, we changed the prototcol and got rid of the anti-nausea Stemetil I was taking and replaced it with good old garden variety gravol - works like a charm. No nausea at all. I still take the Zofran every 12 hours over day 1 and 2 and the Decadron day 1/2/3 but then the Gravol every 4 hours and the ATivan to keep me pretty laid back. I'm hooked up to an IV hydradtion drip today and tomorrow for 4 hours each day but R2D2 and I just wander around the first floor between the kitchen table to work, the kitchen for food, the bathroom and the couch for chillin! The CCAC case worker is due any minute to do an assessment but if this is the pattern, I'm good with this for sure!
Love and caring... stitch by stitch.
I've told you about my starburst circle. My work colleagues are certainly one of the most imporant ones to me. I've been with this fabulous not-for-profit organization for 10 years (as of Oct 14) and have seen it grow in both size and excellent reputation. The short definition is 'we help people' - unemployed people that need help with the job search or starting a business. I'm currently on leave as a member of the Senior Mgt Team and manage(d) the Business Services division.
Well, I had an absolutely delightful visit from 2 of my colleagues yesterday that brought me the most beautifully, handcrafted lap quilt to take with me to the hospital for T-days (it's cold in there!) and also use around the house. I've attached a picture of me using it today since trying to describe the beautiful colours and prints would not do it justice. Ladies, I was the envy of my section and had some real quilters coming by to give it the 'thumbs up'. I thank you with all my heart. It was a gift from all the 'girls' at head office - most of whom I've known for almost those 10 years. They're kind of grouped but all dear to me in different ways.
Sandy, Louise, Jan, Lynn & Judy were some of the first to know about my diagnosis and shared their own and family experiences with me along the way. Sandy and Louise and I go waaay back - to kids graduating from high school, starting college, boyfriends, marriages, deaths of parents and now we are officially our own 'Nana' club. Sandy's newest little addition was born last week and my next one is any day. Louise has a few more months then the 3 of us will be at 2 each! Jan, Lynn and Judy keep my inspired with wonderful little gifts, extraordinary words of encouragement and Judy's sister in the US is even part of the group.
The ladies of Marketing and Finance put up with my lack of following protocol for work orders, eye-bobbling confusion over numbers and budgets, but share in this adventure with me with caring, lovely e-mails and unwavering support. It was Jill's sister who made the lovely quilt that I will cherish forever. I can't wait to see all of you on the 22nd.
Then there's my fellow SMT members. Nella, Kim and Judy and I have become great friends as well as colleagues. We are just as good at writing a mean funding proposal and arguing our case when we know we're right or deserve an opportunity as we are at sharing drinks, jokes and even the odd mini-vacation/training session. I've now successfully got them all addicted to Pawleys Island (oh, and Annie B too) and can't wait for our trip next spring. They are my link to an officeplace that is really a second home for me - I truly love my job and the people I work with. The 'guys' in the group, John and Graham, put up with my endless technically-deficient questions and have taken on projects in my absence without a moan (to my face at least!)
The aforementioned Sandy has graciously and most competently taken over as director during my leave but I have made a firm committment to her that it's her show to run with Nella and the rest of the teams. I'll be happy with the odd tidbit of news and baby updates as the weeks go on.
Not many people can say so many good things not only about the work they do but about the people they work with every day. I, and Dave, are truly blessed to work with highly professional, successful organizations that treat their staff like family - probably even better than some families! Thanks to each and every one of you for the karma, vibes, messages and gifts you've been sending my way. Like good old Arnold said, 'I'll be back' - date TBD!!
Well, I had an absolutely delightful visit from 2 of my colleagues yesterday that brought me the most beautifully, handcrafted lap quilt to take with me to the hospital for T-days (it's cold in there!) and also use around the house. I've attached a picture of me using it today since trying to describe the beautiful colours and prints would not do it justice. Ladies, I was the envy of my section and had some real quilters coming by to give it the 'thumbs up'. I thank you with all my heart. It was a gift from all the 'girls' at head office - most of whom I've known for almost those 10 years. They're kind of grouped but all dear to me in different ways.
Sandy, Louise, Jan, Lynn & Judy were some of the first to know about my diagnosis and shared their own and family experiences with me along the way. Sandy and Louise and I go waaay back - to kids graduating from high school, starting college, boyfriends, marriages, deaths of parents and now we are officially our own 'Nana' club. Sandy's newest little addition was born last week and my next one is any day. Louise has a few more months then the 3 of us will be at 2 each! Jan, Lynn and Judy keep my inspired with wonderful little gifts, extraordinary words of encouragement and Judy's sister in the US is even part of the group.
The ladies of Marketing and Finance put up with my lack of following protocol for work orders, eye-bobbling confusion over numbers and budgets, but share in this adventure with me with caring, lovely e-mails and unwavering support. It was Jill's sister who made the lovely quilt that I will cherish forever. I can't wait to see all of you on the 22nd.
Then there's my fellow SMT members. Nella, Kim and Judy and I have become great friends as well as colleagues. We are just as good at writing a mean funding proposal and arguing our case when we know we're right or deserve an opportunity as we are at sharing drinks, jokes and even the odd mini-vacation/training session. I've now successfully got them all addicted to Pawleys Island (oh, and Annie B too) and can't wait for our trip next spring. They are my link to an officeplace that is really a second home for me - I truly love my job and the people I work with. The 'guys' in the group, John and Graham, put up with my endless technically-deficient questions and have taken on projects in my absence without a moan (to my face at least!)
The aforementioned Sandy has graciously and most competently taken over as director during my leave but I have made a firm committment to her that it's her show to run with Nella and the rest of the teams. I'll be happy with the odd tidbit of news and baby updates as the weeks go on.
Not many people can say so many good things not only about the work they do but about the people they work with every day. I, and Dave, are truly blessed to work with highly professional, successful organizations that treat their staff like family - probably even better than some families! Thanks to each and every one of you for the karma, vibes, messages and gifts you've been sending my way. Like good old Arnold said, 'I'll be back' - date TBD!!
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