I'm Done!!!
Just a quick note to day that my final chemo treatment is OVER! Kathleen, Dan and Sara came with me today to celebrate this final step in this part of the journey. Oh, and my beautiful little Bear 'Hope' that Jaclyn, Rawyn and Rion gave me was there too to make the day complete. Time now to start the recovery process and get myself back to good health, good emotions and the ability to get back to my friends and family socially! Thanks for all your good wishes, they surely helped along the way!
Filling the void....
Dear Father (or Mother), it's been almost 21 days since my last post. No offence to the Catholics out there. In fact I've always envied them the act of Confession... as a Presbyterian, I never really felt I had something quite so concrete to bare my soul and get some direct forgiveness in person. I'd better stop before I dig the hole any deeper.
It's been an eventful 3 weeks of feeling more tired than I can ever remember, some rough days in the beginning after the treatment, up and down emotions, missed celebrations, wonderful celebrations and, most importantly the run-up to tomorrow - my final chemo treatment. Waaaay back in July when I knew this would be starting I was blase, confident I could withstand anything, anticipating that I'd have a few months to enjoy life, visit with my grandchildren and get some of those neglected projects out of the way. The Goddess of Health has brought me back to earth with a bang and it didn't exactly turn out that way. I've done my share of whining, complaining, crying and whinge-ing - that was my Grandmother's word and I always loved it - 'ach, stop yer winge-ing' in an Irish accent never needed explaining. There are many who have had more difficult experiences than me and I can only say that in my sane moments I thank God and all my lucky stars that it's not been worse than it has. But, never having been sick before, it's taken it's toll and forced me to understand that sometimes you need to get worse to get better. So here I am - the night before the final #6. Grateful that this part of the journey will be over but nervous about 'what's next'. Oh, not the surgery, I can deal with that part of it knowing that it's all for ensuring the best case going forward. But it's the rest of the wondering... did the chemo work? Will I always be wondering 'what's next'? I hope not. I'm generally ridiculously optimistic by nature and hope that, along with my general feeling of 'feeling good' that that is one of the first things to return. Dan's coming with me tomorrow and , hopefully, Sara... Emy has come down with the dreaded pink-eye again so we'll have to see if Sara's able to make it. Whether Kathleen can get the day off is still up in the air. Every one of the kids has been with me at least once and have been pillars of support to me both directly and behind the scenes. Never underestimate the powers of your adult children to know what's going on and ensure things get done. Dave's been my punching bag, shoulder to cry on, nurse, errand boy and strength through all of this as well - he's been holding it all together in some semblance of normalcy when nothing's normal. My sister is right there lurking in the background, ready to drop everything and jump in at a moment's notice. Luckily nothings been drastic enough to have to resort to that. I enjoy our goofy phone conversations and family catchup calls. All my friends keep sending me lovely messages, cards, e-mails and words of encouragement.
So here we go... my committment is to keep my posts from now on about recovery not symptoms and side effects. As Dan and Laurie keep telling me, 'it's all good' and I have lots of positives to look forward to and that's my plan.
And thank you Bob for letting me know that my little article you delightfully included in 'Performance in Motion' has become an international traveller!!!!!
It's been an eventful 3 weeks of feeling more tired than I can ever remember, some rough days in the beginning after the treatment, up and down emotions, missed celebrations, wonderful celebrations and, most importantly the run-up to tomorrow - my final chemo treatment. Waaaay back in July when I knew this would be starting I was blase, confident I could withstand anything, anticipating that I'd have a few months to enjoy life, visit with my grandchildren and get some of those neglected projects out of the way. The Goddess of Health has brought me back to earth with a bang and it didn't exactly turn out that way. I've done my share of whining, complaining, crying and whinge-ing - that was my Grandmother's word and I always loved it - 'ach, stop yer winge-ing' in an Irish accent never needed explaining. There are many who have had more difficult experiences than me and I can only say that in my sane moments I thank God and all my lucky stars that it's not been worse than it has. But, never having been sick before, it's taken it's toll and forced me to understand that sometimes you need to get worse to get better. So here I am - the night before the final #6. Grateful that this part of the journey will be over but nervous about 'what's next'. Oh, not the surgery, I can deal with that part of it knowing that it's all for ensuring the best case going forward. But it's the rest of the wondering... did the chemo work? Will I always be wondering 'what's next'? I hope not. I'm generally ridiculously optimistic by nature and hope that, along with my general feeling of 'feeling good' that that is one of the first things to return. Dan's coming with me tomorrow and , hopefully, Sara... Emy has come down with the dreaded pink-eye again so we'll have to see if Sara's able to make it. Whether Kathleen can get the day off is still up in the air. Every one of the kids has been with me at least once and have been pillars of support to me both directly and behind the scenes. Never underestimate the powers of your adult children to know what's going on and ensure things get done. Dave's been my punching bag, shoulder to cry on, nurse, errand boy and strength through all of this as well - he's been holding it all together in some semblance of normalcy when nothing's normal. My sister is right there lurking in the background, ready to drop everything and jump in at a moment's notice. Luckily nothings been drastic enough to have to resort to that. I enjoy our goofy phone conversations and family catchup calls. All my friends keep sending me lovely messages, cards, e-mails and words of encouragement.
So here we go... my committment is to keep my posts from now on about recovery not symptoms and side effects. As Dan and Laurie keep telling me, 'it's all good' and I have lots of positives to look forward to and that's my plan.
And thank you Bob for letting me know that my little article you delightfully included in 'Performance in Motion' has become an international traveller!!!!!
The light at the end of the tunnell!
5 down, 1 to do. Hard to believe but I'm very glad to be looking at the back end of this adventure. Not that it's done. I'll need to get the Herceptin infusion every 3 weeks but that's a hormone and really has no side effects but for some manageable fatigue. I can build it into my regular schedule. I'll also need to take another pill for up to 5 years but that's OK too. Tired today but just laying around, reading and watching TV between snoozes. I'm hoping tomorrow will be a good day and I can get Miss Daisy to Bradford to get her hair done and out for lunch. Kathleen and Jess are picking Dave up at the airport for me so that is one trip I won't have to make - it sure will be good to have him home. Sara was a star and got me to my treatment, looked after me well and is my general morale booster. Off to the CanAm end of season banquet in Cayuga I hope on Sunday with a chance to see Dan, Laurie, Rion and the girls - that will definitely be a treat. Things are definitely looking better and my goal will be to stay away from all stray bugs over the next weeks.
Nothing like a sunny Sunday to boost your spirits!
AND the Leafs won, AND the Raptors won! Dave's in Las Vegas this week at the automotive industry's biggest trade show of the year and he'll have a great time. He'll probably wear out a pair of shoes but the the friends he'll meet, connections they'll make and general 'car talk' is a once a year event. I'm laying low, trying to keep healthy and prepping my head for Treatment #5 on Thurs. Since being so sick after the last one (though it had nothing to do with the treatment other than making my immune system defenseless) my BRAIN is gearing up for another miserable time. Mind over matter and that's my job this week - not to let it get to me and feel good. Lot's happening over the next weeks to be ready for - Job Skill's 20th Anniversary celebration (I even bought something new to wear when I was away!), the Twisted Lemon 'France' wine class on the 22nd, babysitting my darling grandson on the 15th, 4 birthdays (Chris, today, Sylvia on the 17th (94!!), Laurie on the 21st and Emy on the 30th. Wow, November has ended up being our busiest b'day month! And then, the grand finale I hope, my final chemo session on the 27th... that will be HUGE! As of December 1st, my pledge is to spend no more time talking about my body, how I feel or anything other than what I'm doing to re-energize myself and rebuild my flabby, out of shape self over the next 6 months. As for today, I plan to enjoy some of this sunshine, put away some outside furniture and bask in what's left of fall.
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