Feeling a bit better today. The general achiness and stuffiness from the cold seem to have finally moved off - thank goodness! Still have the problems with my mouth and talking is painful so I don't. My lips would only be alluring to a sex-starved alligator. Dave brought me ice cream and creamsicles last night and made me a protein-packed milkshake so that went down nice and easy. I know he's concerned that I'm not eating but it's just been really hard. Being 'sick' on top of the treatment side effects was not something I'd ever anticipated and it's been tough - but I feel my optimistic self clawing its way to the surface again. It will be SO NICE to be able to get out, maybe see some of my friends, talk to my family on the phone and maybe even GET OUT OF MY PYJAMAS AND TOQUE! Dave will especially be glad to see that I'm sure even though he laughs at the toque - it's his after all!! I feel like Rip Van Winkle though. I came home from vacation, had a treatment, felt icky for a couple of days, then got sick for 10 days and now it's WINTER!!! What the heck happened to fall in the middle? And Friday's Halloween and I don't even have a pumpkin! In all my life I don't ever remember not having a pumpkin for Halloween. Come hell or high water I will get out of this damned house and get one for Friday - even if it's not carved I don't care.
The funniest thing we've been monitoring over the past weeks has been the stupid leaf garland I have hanging around the front door. It looks really nice but likes to fly off in the wind and we then have to figure out where it's landed. It's been at the neighbours, in the pine tree at the end of the yard, under the car and - after last nights bluster and blow - is now wrapped about 20' up in the maple tree BEHIND the house... the thing has a life of it's own and I think will stay there until spring, stupid thing.
Time for another creamsicle. I'm sure next week will be much better so look out! I'll be back!
I know I'm always accused of being 'ever the optimist'...
... but not this week. I somehow picked up a cold last Fri. I'd been feeling better and actually managed to get out to get some things done over a couple of days including getting Dave's mom to the hairdresser and for lunch. Regardless of my situation, she depends pretty much on me to get out of the house and not feel like a hermit. All her 'drivers' seem to have gone by the wayside so I try at least once a week to get her to Bradford, lunch and anything else she needs to do... and it's a nice afternoon!
However, by Friday night I knew I was coming down with something. My nose was running like a tap, I was sneezing like crazy and Sat/Sun it hit me hard. I did keep taking my temperature and it's only gone over 38C once (today) and that was probably just an anomaly. My real problem is my nose and my mouth. My nose is so raw it bleeds when I blow it and my mouth and lips are canker-city making it really hard to eat. I did call the clinic and they said my body is just down on its defences and will have to work harder and longer to get better. I haven't poked my head out the door since Friday and I'm feeling like a mushroom - and have about as much energy as one. Also, this is one of the most important few days (workwise) in the sector I work in. Not to go into details but there's a huge amount of work that needs to be done to position organizations like the one I work for for the next stage and I've been reading all the documentation that needs to be prepared. Nothing I can do about it but I can certainly feel guilty about not being there to assist and be part of the whole process. Everyone will be just fine without me but it's hard not being part of something this important for an organization you feel so strongly about.
Hopefully I'll be feeling better by the time Dave leaves for Las Vegas on Saturday. I'll be really jealous knowing he's spending a week in the sun and warmth 'working'!
However, by Friday night I knew I was coming down with something. My nose was running like a tap, I was sneezing like crazy and Sat/Sun it hit me hard. I did keep taking my temperature and it's only gone over 38C once (today) and that was probably just an anomaly. My real problem is my nose and my mouth. My nose is so raw it bleeds when I blow it and my mouth and lips are canker-city making it really hard to eat. I did call the clinic and they said my body is just down on its defences and will have to work harder and longer to get better. I haven't poked my head out the door since Friday and I'm feeling like a mushroom - and have about as much energy as one. Also, this is one of the most important few days (workwise) in the sector I work in. Not to go into details but there's a huge amount of work that needs to be done to position organizations like the one I work for for the next stage and I've been reading all the documentation that needs to be prepared. Nothing I can do about it but I can certainly feel guilty about not being there to assist and be part of the whole process. Everyone will be just fine without me but it's hard not being part of something this important for an organization you feel so strongly about.
Hopefully I'll be feeling better by the time Dave leaves for Las Vegas on Saturday. I'll be really jealous knowing he's spending a week in the sun and warmth 'working'!
My latest journalistic endeavour - beats writing funding proposals!
One day, in a fit of journalistic enthusiasm (after one of my beloved 'Old Coots' car cruises with our great friends) I wrote this little article and sent it to my dear friend Bob. Surprisingly he liked it too and it's appeared in the Oct/Nov edition of "Performance in Motion". Thanks Bob, it's fun being published!!
“1953 Model, Fairly Good Condition. Needs some ongoing work and TLC. Good project for interested person who doesn’t expect perfection when complete.”
If I was a car ad, that would be me. Anyone who knows my husband and I know that we are car people. When we bought our house almost five years ago, I was impressed with the layout and garden potential; he was thrilled with the three car garage, parking for six cars in the driveway and the extra parking beside the garage. Needless to say, we have a collection – some that run and some that don’t. A couple of drivers, a drag race car, Molly the Motorhome, a classic cruiser, an enclosed trailer and the inevitable dusty project in the garage under the car cover lurking to annoy me. I’m always afraid that the Motor Vehicle Department will make us take out some kind of licence since, when family or friends visit, we usually have more vehicles than the average corner car lot.
All that aside, my current health situation gave me time to pause and think how much I can relate to many of our car adventures. I was diagnosed with Stage 1 breast cancer in April 2008. Not unlike one of those staggering reports from your mechanic, I received the news with shock and some minor freaking out since I’d noticed some changes months before, but put off the trip to the doctor. I remember the day we got the news that the Mercury Sable wagon we owned (and both hated) had blown head gaskets. Ye gads, that’s a major overhaul and extremely expensive fix! My doctor’s cancer diagnosis was much more compassionately and carefully explained, but produced the same gutwrenching, shocking reaction with one minor difference – I was not about to be put in the Auto Trader and disposed of quickly for as much money as we could get before I deteriorated beyond help. Thanks to early diagnosis, my treatment was to be quickly enacted and the often-annoying but, in this case wonderful Province of McGuinty would foot the bill.
And so my treatment started like so many of our automotive projects. My parts were inspected, prodded, photographed and hummed and hawed over. Great discussion ensued over the expectation of the final result and a concourse, ground up reconstruction was ruled out as unnecessary. Surgery was scheduled to remove the offending, defective part, and I was buttoned up and sent home to rest and recover until the next procedure. Careful examination of the offending part revealed that more work needed to be done so off I was sent to surgery again – a minor fix that was sufficient to let me start my next part of the journey, chemotherapy. In generally excellent health and not so rusty to cause concern, it was determined that I could take the heavy-duty package for maximum performance at the end. Not unlike flushing and replacing all the car’s fluids, I was fitted with a port to make fluid infusion easier and sat there as they flushed my own custom industrial strength cocktail through my tubing to ensure that no stray little cancer bits were still floating around looking for a place to land and cause more disintegration. Unlike most engine flushes, however, I’m to endure this process five more times to be sure everything’s gone.
Now, being the base 1953 model, I came with few extra options. Over the years, I’ve “blinged” her up a bit on occasion, but the base model stayed pretty much the same. The chemo will cause me to go from being a hardtop to having a sunroof, but my new wig, hats and scarves will let me be a convertible on occasion – pretty cool to be sure. After all my treatments are done, hubby and I have made the decision to do a minor accessory removal that will be replaced with a fake part that, hopefully, no one but he will ever notice! The best body job is one that no one ever knows was done, right!
So our love of everything automotive continues…. Many of our friends in our “Old Coots” cruise club have gone through similar “adventures” with both themselves and their classic vehicles. Engines and (body) parts have been “refreshed”, axles have been repaired or replaced, fluids have been changed and the occasional “octane booster” is required to keep everything running just right. Some are closer to the original “off the assembly line” perfection than others, but we all share a deep love for our cars and each other. We share each other’s good times and bad and rally round when someone or something breaks down and needs a little roadside assistance in the form of a tool, a boost or a shoulder to lean on.
So like the dusty project that is my Comet in the garage, I am like my car. The washer fluid leaks for unexplained reasons, the radio occasionally blares, the cooling system is not working and at best blows warm air, with the occasional blasts of unexplained heat for a few moments. The rust is being cut away and, with time, she will be put back together, shiny and rejuvenated and on the road in good driving condition. Until that time, she sits and I grumble about the waste of a great car just sitting there gathering dust, while all our efforts go into other things. “Even though we both love that car, she’s a mess. Why don’t we just get rid of her and let someone else put their love and energy into her?” I ask Darling Husband. “Honey, I wouldn’t get rid of YOU would I?” he responds. Damn, I love the man to death, so grateful he doesn’t expect perfection, and the washer fluid is leaking again.
“1953 Model, Fairly Good Condition. Needs some ongoing work and TLC. Good project for interested person who doesn’t expect perfection when complete.”
If I was a car ad, that would be me. Anyone who knows my husband and I know that we are car people. When we bought our house almost five years ago, I was impressed with the layout and garden potential; he was thrilled with the three car garage, parking for six cars in the driveway and the extra parking beside the garage. Needless to say, we have a collection – some that run and some that don’t. A couple of drivers, a drag race car, Molly the Motorhome, a classic cruiser, an enclosed trailer and the inevitable dusty project in the garage under the car cover lurking to annoy me. I’m always afraid that the Motor Vehicle Department will make us take out some kind of licence since, when family or friends visit, we usually have more vehicles than the average corner car lot.
All that aside, my current health situation gave me time to pause and think how much I can relate to many of our car adventures. I was diagnosed with Stage 1 breast cancer in April 2008. Not unlike one of those staggering reports from your mechanic, I received the news with shock and some minor freaking out since I’d noticed some changes months before, but put off the trip to the doctor. I remember the day we got the news that the Mercury Sable wagon we owned (and both hated) had blown head gaskets. Ye gads, that’s a major overhaul and extremely expensive fix! My doctor’s cancer diagnosis was much more compassionately and carefully explained, but produced the same gutwrenching, shocking reaction with one minor difference – I was not about to be put in the Auto Trader and disposed of quickly for as much money as we could get before I deteriorated beyond help. Thanks to early diagnosis, my treatment was to be quickly enacted and the often-annoying but, in this case wonderful Province of McGuinty would foot the bill.
And so my treatment started like so many of our automotive projects. My parts were inspected, prodded, photographed and hummed and hawed over. Great discussion ensued over the expectation of the final result and a concourse, ground up reconstruction was ruled out as unnecessary. Surgery was scheduled to remove the offending, defective part, and I was buttoned up and sent home to rest and recover until the next procedure. Careful examination of the offending part revealed that more work needed to be done so off I was sent to surgery again – a minor fix that was sufficient to let me start my next part of the journey, chemotherapy. In generally excellent health and not so rusty to cause concern, it was determined that I could take the heavy-duty package for maximum performance at the end. Not unlike flushing and replacing all the car’s fluids, I was fitted with a port to make fluid infusion easier and sat there as they flushed my own custom industrial strength cocktail through my tubing to ensure that no stray little cancer bits were still floating around looking for a place to land and cause more disintegration. Unlike most engine flushes, however, I’m to endure this process five more times to be sure everything’s gone.
Now, being the base 1953 model, I came with few extra options. Over the years, I’ve “blinged” her up a bit on occasion, but the base model stayed pretty much the same. The chemo will cause me to go from being a hardtop to having a sunroof, but my new wig, hats and scarves will let me be a convertible on occasion – pretty cool to be sure. After all my treatments are done, hubby and I have made the decision to do a minor accessory removal that will be replaced with a fake part that, hopefully, no one but he will ever notice! The best body job is one that no one ever knows was done, right!
So our love of everything automotive continues…. Many of our friends in our “Old Coots” cruise club have gone through similar “adventures” with both themselves and their classic vehicles. Engines and (body) parts have been “refreshed”, axles have been repaired or replaced, fluids have been changed and the occasional “octane booster” is required to keep everything running just right. Some are closer to the original “off the assembly line” perfection than others, but we all share a deep love for our cars and each other. We share each other’s good times and bad and rally round when someone or something breaks down and needs a little roadside assistance in the form of a tool, a boost or a shoulder to lean on.
So like the dusty project that is my Comet in the garage, I am like my car. The washer fluid leaks for unexplained reasons, the radio occasionally blares, the cooling system is not working and at best blows warm air, with the occasional blasts of unexplained heat for a few moments. The rust is being cut away and, with time, she will be put back together, shiny and rejuvenated and on the road in good driving condition. Until that time, she sits and I grumble about the waste of a great car just sitting there gathering dust, while all our efforts go into other things. “Even though we both love that car, she’s a mess. Why don’t we just get rid of her and let someone else put their love and energy into her?” I ask Darling Husband. “Honey, I wouldn’t get rid of YOU would I?” he responds. Damn, I love the man to death, so grateful he doesn’t expect perfection, and the washer fluid is leaking again.
A long wait but lots in between!
Hard to believe it's been since Oct 3rd since I've updated here but lots has sure happened. We had a delightful gathering on the 4th with Maggie in town - sure was great to see her and all the other kids in the same place at the same time. That certainly doesn't happen very often any more. Kids, grandkids, nieces, nephews and friends - good food and some wine - what more could you ask for. Rion was officially introduced to Grandma Turner - 93 years of family on the same couch, what a delight. It's so much fun to have little ones in the mix again. Emy and Carter had a great time with M swinging Carter in his swing - he loved it! Next year we'll have 3 little ones probably running around creating chaos and amusing us all. Mag looks like the west agrees with her and, after a visit with her Mom, Andrea, Grandma and Grandpa up north will be heading back to Invermere before her next adventure takes her to Vancouver. She's definitely the wanderer in the family.
Dave and I headed out on the 6th to our place in South Carolina for 8 days. Two quick flights - Buffalo/Charlotte/Charlotte/Myrtle Beach and we were winging down Hwy 17 on the way to Pawelys Island. It sure was nice to open the front door to 'home' and feel the cares of the world drop off your shoulders. A couple of days of playing Mr. Fixit to do some minor repairs and installations and prepare for Laura, Sara and Emy to arrive Tues night - which they did, tired but excited just after midnight. 'M' apparently is a 'traveller extraordinaire' and managed 2 airports and connecting flights just fine. Aunt Laura, the miracle worker once again, picked up a fantastic little 'leash' consisting of a puppy backpack with strap that let her walk on her own but not be able to dash off - quick as lightening is that little girl! 'Puppy' was a godsend for the whole trip be it shopping, at the beach or just going for walks. She also had great fun pushing pupply in her stroller around the apartment and on the porch - always very careful to make sure the rain hood on the stroller was 'just so' - we laughed at that a lot. Oh, and did we eat! Eat in, eat out, we never seemed to stop and I'm sure the pictures will be a testament to the fact. It sure was great to have such a wonderful time with my 2 'nurses', extraordinary husband who puts up with all my eccentricities and foibles and that wonderful little girl. Can't wait to have the rest of the kids all together at the beach again soon. A couple of rainy days but lots of sun, beach time and pool time was just what the Dr. ordered for me especially before coming back on the 14th in time for my next treatment on the 16th. Before that though I did get to spend a few hours with Rawny and Jaclyn and take them to dance class while Dan, Laurie, Rion and Grandma Pat spend the day at a trade show in Brantford promoting Twisted Lemon. I was so glad to be able to help them out in some small way. It was also great to see Pat at the end of the day. I haven't seen her for many weeks and look forward to getting together with her soon to catch up on grandma stuff and hear about her wonderful trip to the Galapagos. This unpredicable mess of how I'll be feeling on any given day sure makes it hard to plan or commit to anything. Anyway, the girls and I had a great time.
I have to say a special thank you to Kathleen and Chris for keeping Grandma company while we were away - I just can't leave and not know someone's here every day to make sure she's OK - Kathleen has become the unofficial 'Grandma sitter' when we go away but I don't like to take advantage of her time and kindness - even though I know she does like having the use of one of our vehicles for that time!!! And a very special thank you to Dan and Laurie for including her in the Lilliman Thanksgiving dinner - she had a fabulous time and it was a very special time for her to be included in that family gathering!
T#4 was on Thursday and I, very luckily had no allergic reactions that can come with this cocktail mix of Taxotere and Herceptin. Did seem to pick up some kind of an intestinal bug that kept me up all night in the bathroom but I'm sure that was completely coincidental. Sara came with me to the hospital, stayed overnight to make sure I was OK and then managed a well-deserved visit with Katy and Ben before heading back to Fergus on Friday. Sat and Sunday have been, well, blah. Just feel kind of flu-ey, no energy whatsover and completely ticked off that I'm probably missing one of the nicest fall weekends we'll have. Dave and I did manage to get some of the plants cleaned up off the deck, brought in the ones we hope will overwinter downstairs and I actually did some more trimming this afternoon. The 'grocery shopping fairly' didn't arrive so I headed to the store to pick up some stuff and then spent about an hour pulling more plants in the front - it sure was nice to be out in the sun for a bit rather than huddled under a quilt on the couch - I think I'm the world's worst patient - impatient that is! Now it's time for some popcorn to get this yucky taste out of my mouth, a bit of the Martinsville race and probably more nap time. I'm glad Dave managed to get to the final race at Cayuga this afternoon and wrap up his race season on such a beautiful day. He spends so much time looking after me, it's nice for him to be able to get out with 'the guys' and do something he really loves.
I missed Thanksgiving here and just wanted to take the time to say how grateful and thankful I am for everything - this type of situation sure makes to sit up and take notice of how lucky you really are despite some bad things that happen. I'm so grateful for all my family that have rallied around, made sacrifices to get me to things, call me every day and just make sure I'm OK. I'm every grateful for my loving husband who, in his own quiet way, takes charge and makes sure I get everything I need - despite my occasional scaring him by fainting on the floor! To my 2 nurses, Laura and Sara, thanks for keeping me on my toes and making sure I follow all instructions and don't let anything slip by that the cancer team should know about. I've finally agreed that this is not the time to 'tough it out' and play possum like there's nothing wrong. To all my friends, colleagues and extended family - including Peter - thanks for the e-mails, phone calls, online jokes and general good wishes. It gets pretty lonely and isolated when you're sick like this at home and I look forward to hearing from each and every one of you. I'm 60% there and counting down until the end of the treatments, getting better and moving on with the next phase of whatever God has in store for me - lots I hope! Job Skills has their 20th anniversary dinner in November, there's another delicious Twisted Lemon Wine class in November too, Christmas is coming, wedding plans are needing to be finalized and spring will be here before we all know it! I love each and every one of you and hold you dearly in my hearts every day.
Dave and I headed out on the 6th to our place in South Carolina for 8 days. Two quick flights - Buffalo/Charlotte/Charlotte/Myrtle Beach and we were winging down Hwy 17 on the way to Pawelys Island. It sure was nice to open the front door to 'home' and feel the cares of the world drop off your shoulders. A couple of days of playing Mr. Fixit to do some minor repairs and installations and prepare for Laura, Sara and Emy to arrive Tues night - which they did, tired but excited just after midnight. 'M' apparently is a 'traveller extraordinaire' and managed 2 airports and connecting flights just fine. Aunt Laura, the miracle worker once again, picked up a fantastic little 'leash' consisting of a puppy backpack with strap that let her walk on her own but not be able to dash off - quick as lightening is that little girl! 'Puppy' was a godsend for the whole trip be it shopping, at the beach or just going for walks. She also had great fun pushing pupply in her stroller around the apartment and on the porch - always very careful to make sure the rain hood on the stroller was 'just so' - we laughed at that a lot. Oh, and did we eat! Eat in, eat out, we never seemed to stop and I'm sure the pictures will be a testament to the fact. It sure was great to have such a wonderful time with my 2 'nurses', extraordinary husband who puts up with all my eccentricities and foibles and that wonderful little girl. Can't wait to have the rest of the kids all together at the beach again soon. A couple of rainy days but lots of sun, beach time and pool time was just what the Dr. ordered for me especially before coming back on the 14th in time for my next treatment on the 16th. Before that though I did get to spend a few hours with Rawny and Jaclyn and take them to dance class while Dan, Laurie, Rion and Grandma Pat spend the day at a trade show in Brantford promoting Twisted Lemon. I was so glad to be able to help them out in some small way. It was also great to see Pat at the end of the day. I haven't seen her for many weeks and look forward to getting together with her soon to catch up on grandma stuff and hear about her wonderful trip to the Galapagos. This unpredicable mess of how I'll be feeling on any given day sure makes it hard to plan or commit to anything. Anyway, the girls and I had a great time.
I have to say a special thank you to Kathleen and Chris for keeping Grandma company while we were away - I just can't leave and not know someone's here every day to make sure she's OK - Kathleen has become the unofficial 'Grandma sitter' when we go away but I don't like to take advantage of her time and kindness - even though I know she does like having the use of one of our vehicles for that time!!! And a very special thank you to Dan and Laurie for including her in the Lilliman Thanksgiving dinner - she had a fabulous time and it was a very special time for her to be included in that family gathering!
T#4 was on Thursday and I, very luckily had no allergic reactions that can come with this cocktail mix of Taxotere and Herceptin. Did seem to pick up some kind of an intestinal bug that kept me up all night in the bathroom but I'm sure that was completely coincidental. Sara came with me to the hospital, stayed overnight to make sure I was OK and then managed a well-deserved visit with Katy and Ben before heading back to Fergus on Friday. Sat and Sunday have been, well, blah. Just feel kind of flu-ey, no energy whatsover and completely ticked off that I'm probably missing one of the nicest fall weekends we'll have. Dave and I did manage to get some of the plants cleaned up off the deck, brought in the ones we hope will overwinter downstairs and I actually did some more trimming this afternoon. The 'grocery shopping fairly' didn't arrive so I headed to the store to pick up some stuff and then spent about an hour pulling more plants in the front - it sure was nice to be out in the sun for a bit rather than huddled under a quilt on the couch - I think I'm the world's worst patient - impatient that is! Now it's time for some popcorn to get this yucky taste out of my mouth, a bit of the Martinsville race and probably more nap time. I'm glad Dave managed to get to the final race at Cayuga this afternoon and wrap up his race season on such a beautiful day. He spends so much time looking after me, it's nice for him to be able to get out with 'the guys' and do something he really loves.
I missed Thanksgiving here and just wanted to take the time to say how grateful and thankful I am for everything - this type of situation sure makes to sit up and take notice of how lucky you really are despite some bad things that happen. I'm so grateful for all my family that have rallied around, made sacrifices to get me to things, call me every day and just make sure I'm OK. I'm every grateful for my loving husband who, in his own quiet way, takes charge and makes sure I get everything I need - despite my occasional scaring him by fainting on the floor! To my 2 nurses, Laura and Sara, thanks for keeping me on my toes and making sure I follow all instructions and don't let anything slip by that the cancer team should know about. I've finally agreed that this is not the time to 'tough it out' and play possum like there's nothing wrong. To all my friends, colleagues and extended family - including Peter - thanks for the e-mails, phone calls, online jokes and general good wishes. It gets pretty lonely and isolated when you're sick like this at home and I look forward to hearing from each and every one of you. I'm 60% there and counting down until the end of the treatments, getting better and moving on with the next phase of whatever God has in store for me - lots I hope! Job Skills has their 20th anniversary dinner in November, there's another delicious Twisted Lemon Wine class in November too, Christmas is coming, wedding plans are needing to be finalized and spring will be here before we all know it! I love each and every one of you and hold you dearly in my hearts every day.
Whew, that was a loooooong haul....
But I've finally turned the corner and actually feel human again. Everyone said that this treatment (FEC) could be really hard on you but I guess I got a bit cocky since it hadn't been bad so far. Well, somebody decided to slap me upside the head and let me know who was in charge this time! But it's done and the next round (Taxotere + Herceptin for anyone that's interested) is not supposed to be nearly as hard to take. But even in the midst of all my misery and 'pity party' there were some lovely bright lights. I was so happy to attend our Small Business Week celebration on Oct 1st and meet up with all my colleagues I haven't seen for a while. It warms my heart to really understand that so many of these people are my friends, not just co-workers. Maggie's back home for a visit from out west and we're all getting together tomorrow - I'm really looking forward to that. This will be Dan and Laurie's first chance to introduce Rion to Grandma - and it's his 1 month birthday! I'll definitely have to get a picture with Sylvia, Dave, Dan and Rion - 4 generations, almost 94 years apart. Then it's off to Pawleys Island on Monday for 8 blissful days. I love going this time of year to grab one last gasp of summer before coming back to fall. Having Laura, Sara and Emy there will be like icing on the cake - this will be Emy's 1st visit to the ocean and we're planning on lots of 'sand and water' time as well as long walks on the beach. I just seem to relax differently while I'm there and I know my two 'nurses' won't let me overdo it in any way. I'll try to post some pics while we're away but otherwise I'll do it when I get back. The good wishes keep coming my way and I truly appreciate every single one of them.
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