I haven't been around for a long time but all is well - in fact great - with me. I finished my final Herceptin treatment this Tues so now I'M DONE!!!! It was an emotional time in the clinic where I seem to have spent so much time since early 2008 - glad to say 'goodbye' but I hope my only visits any time in the future are as a volunteer!
It sure was a special summer with Kathleena and Chris getting married Jul 25th, our beautiful new Granddaughter Olivia Lily was born to delighted parents Andrea and Dylan and then Kathleen and Les amazed me by completing the entire 60km Weekend to End Breast Cancer walk - and raised more than $3,000.
When I saw the Dr. she advised me that I was eligible for the Neratinib trial! I've spent the last few days reviewing the Consent Form for the main study titled: 'A Randomized Double-blind Placebo-Controlled Trial of Neratinib (HK1-272) after Trastuzumab in Women with Early Stage HER-2/neu Overexpressed/Amplified Breast Cancer' (whew). The trial was just authorized to begin in Canada this week (authorized by Wyeth which was just bought out by Pfizer to get access to this drug!) and will involve 3850 subjects worldwide. The study is being done to:
1. Find out if neratinib helps to prevent your cancer from returning, or if it helps to delay the time until your cancer returns.
2. Find out how neratinib affects overall survival.
3. Learn about how neratinib affects the occurrence of brain metasteses.
4. Learn about the safety of neratinib.
It's a Phase III trial that will involve a 50/50 drug/placebo randomized study group. You'll take 1 pill per day (actually they're 240mg and will be split into 6x40mg pills) for 1 year. I'll have a diary to keep track of any side effects (diarrhea seems to be the most common one but can be controlled with Imodium) and fatigue (I'm used to that with the Herceptin & Arimadex!). The study will be one month for screening, 1 year for study drug and 4 years for follow up). Lots more if anyone wants any further information. The Study code is 3144A2-3004-WW if that helps anyone.The hospital where I've received all my treatment (Southlake Regional Health Centre in Newmarket, Ontario) has been chosen as Ontario's site which is great since it's only 1/2 hour from home. I know all the Drs and nurses in the clinic so that's great too. Part of my bittersweet feelings will ending treatment was that, after being under the microscope for the past 18 months, finishing was a bit scary since I knew someone wouldn't be monitoring me every 3 weeks any more. Kind of like being sent home with the baby and wondering how you'll manage on your own. I am absolutely committed to research as the only way to find out the next great thing and this study has no, obvious, negatives so why would I not want to participate?As k4katz says, you always run the risk of just getting the placebo, but the Research Director answered my question and advised that precedent had been set with another drug should Neratinib show better than expected results during the trial - in the previous study, it was 'unblinded' and all participants that received the placebo were given 5 years free access to the drug... good to know!
My plan is to review all the info, head to our place in South Carolina for a holiday in November, get through Christmas and start in January. It's especially important after finding out this weekend that one of our friends just passed away from brain/bone cancer and another lovely friend has just been rediagnosed and is starting chemo again. It's for people like her that the research must continue! I'm very grateful and feel blessed to be part of this trial. Bless you all for continuing to support me and others you know that are facing or have faced this horrible disease.
Better and worse at the same time...
I'm better, much better, in fact back to as close to 'normal' as I ever was. Energy is still a bit low but that's par for the course for the first year I'm told. Back at work, busy renovating and getting ready for Kathleen & Chris' wedding in July. Enjoying the grandbabies immensely but I forgot how busy it is with little ones around! Rion and Emy were here for the weekend a few weeks back and Nana needed a vacation when they went home!
The 'worse' part is just because 2 close friends have been diagnosed with cancer - a very dear friend with breast cancer back in December and the other a good friend with aggressive bone cancer less than a month ago. They can't find a cure for this insidious disease soon enough, that's for sure. Both my friends are responding extremely well to treatment, but it still sucks. A few extra prayers for them please.
The 'worse' part is just because 2 close friends have been diagnosed with cancer - a very dear friend with breast cancer back in December and the other a good friend with aggressive bone cancer less than a month ago. They can't find a cure for this insidious disease soon enough, that's for sure. Both my friends are responding extremely well to treatment, but it still sucks. A few extra prayers for them please.
Racing to the finish line!
I'm getting very dilinquent at keeping up with this but I suppose that reflects that I'm busier and don't have as much time as I did to loll around and be creative. January went by in a blur after Christmas and then heading south to Pawleys - a wonderful break from the snow and cold and the chance to visit some new places and get back to some old favourites. My biggest disappointment was that the new spring fashions hadn't arrived yet in my favourite stores so my hope to find a dress for Kathleen's wedding evaporated like one of the Charleston ghosts. Oh well, I'll be back with 'the girls' (Nella, Judy and Kim) in April for a whirlwind trip that will include the fantastic St. George Winyah Plantation Tours as well as some good food, good wine and power shopping. Nella will make sure that we don't sit for long as long as the stores are open! The Plantation Tours are one of my favourite things - for 2 days private and public historic homes are opened for viewing. Some of these private homes have been in the family for several hundred years, lovingly restored and are absolute showpieces. I've always said that if I could go back in time I'd live in the South before the Civil War - and be rich of course! I'm sure I'd just look fabulous in a hoop skirt gliding down one of those magnificent staircases to meet my 'Rhett'. Dave, however, might look pretty goofy in knee breeches and a fluffy necktie!
As for my health, all is progressing better than I'd hoped. I did have my surgery (simple mastectomy) the end of January. They pumped me full of non-narcotic pain pills before I went in which is the anaesthetist's option which, apparently, makes you need less high power pain medication when you come to. I do remember that this time it took me much longer to get out of the 'fog' after the surgery and I literally couldn't keep my eyes open until about 11pm that night. I was out of the OR by 12:30 but don't remember much. Sara was there and Dan, Laurie and the kids (and Steve the dog) dropped by, made and ate dinner and I do remember there was an awful lot of hilarity and good smells wafting up the stairs, but it's all a blur. Despite a scar the size of Texas, I'm a good healer and have had no issues so far other than some expected achiness and 'twingey' pain as it heals - nothing that Tylenol won't fix. I had my surgical followup last Thursday and got my pathology report back which was great - no more malignancy - woohoo! There were however, lots of other things like fibrous tissue etc that could have caused me problems in the years to come so I'm happy with my decision and will now adjust to being lopsided and wearing an 'aftermarket' part to balance myself out.
My hair has grown in to the point that I will actually be seen in public without the wig or a hat and my eyebrows and lashes are slowly following suit. Once I have eyebrows and can wear mascara again, life will be great! Now that I'm feeling good again I've managed to do some long overdue Nana-sitting in both Cayuga and with Emily. Wow, you sure forget how busy 5 month olds and 2 year olds can keep you but it was great fun to spend more than an hour with them. I'll be getting back to work soon and am looking forward to that for sure. I'll be on an every 3 week injection of Herceptin until about October and a daily hormone therapy pill for 5 years but whatever I need to do to minimize my risk of recurrence is fine with me - the statistics on both these drugs are great. My daughter and niece have formed a team for the Weekend to End Breast Cancer in September and we're all looking forward to participating in that. I'd better start some training or I'll be lucky to do 6km let alone 60!
I'll keep posting with any interesting updates but thanks to all who've been following along with me on my journey and if you get the chance to sponsor someone in the Breast Cancer walk, you can be assured that everyone like me is truly appreciative of all the dollars that go into new research, drugs and treatments to beat this insidious disease. Bless you all!
As for my health, all is progressing better than I'd hoped. I did have my surgery (simple mastectomy) the end of January. They pumped me full of non-narcotic pain pills before I went in which is the anaesthetist's option which, apparently, makes you need less high power pain medication when you come to. I do remember that this time it took me much longer to get out of the 'fog' after the surgery and I literally couldn't keep my eyes open until about 11pm that night. I was out of the OR by 12:30 but don't remember much. Sara was there and Dan, Laurie and the kids (and Steve the dog) dropped by, made and ate dinner and I do remember there was an awful lot of hilarity and good smells wafting up the stairs, but it's all a blur. Despite a scar the size of Texas, I'm a good healer and have had no issues so far other than some expected achiness and 'twingey' pain as it heals - nothing that Tylenol won't fix. I had my surgical followup last Thursday and got my pathology report back which was great - no more malignancy - woohoo! There were however, lots of other things like fibrous tissue etc that could have caused me problems in the years to come so I'm happy with my decision and will now adjust to being lopsided and wearing an 'aftermarket' part to balance myself out.
My hair has grown in to the point that I will actually be seen in public without the wig or a hat and my eyebrows and lashes are slowly following suit. Once I have eyebrows and can wear mascara again, life will be great! Now that I'm feeling good again I've managed to do some long overdue Nana-sitting in both Cayuga and with Emily. Wow, you sure forget how busy 5 month olds and 2 year olds can keep you but it was great fun to spend more than an hour with them. I'll be getting back to work soon and am looking forward to that for sure. I'll be on an every 3 week injection of Herceptin until about October and a daily hormone therapy pill for 5 years but whatever I need to do to minimize my risk of recurrence is fine with me - the statistics on both these drugs are great. My daughter and niece have formed a team for the Weekend to End Breast Cancer in September and we're all looking forward to participating in that. I'd better start some training or I'll be lucky to do 6km let alone 60!
I'll keep posting with any interesting updates but thanks to all who've been following along with me on my journey and if you get the chance to sponsor someone in the Breast Cancer walk, you can be assured that everyone like me is truly appreciative of all the dollars that go into new research, drugs and treatments to beat this insidious disease. Bless you all!
I'm grateful (very) but not gracious....
Happy New Year everyone. I hope everyone had a lovely holiday with family and friends and had too much good food, good company and good hockey - yea Juniors! As you can see from my heading, I've figured out my dilemma - I am very grateful for everything that has happened over the past 6 months. For the great doctors, our wonderful healthcare system that doesn't cause you a moment's 'how will I pay for this treatment' worry, to my extraordinary family and friends that have supported me along the way. I'm grateful that I'm beginning to feel better with some minor issues that will work themselves out in time. I'm grateful that I am scheduled to go back to work in March and have firmly determined that, without major changes to my lifestyle, I am NOT a homebody. I'm grateful that I have a wedding to plan and occupy my time and bank account for the next few months! I'm just generally grateful for everything that has assisted on my path to recovery. However, and it's a big however, I do not seem to be very gracious. I read all these wonderful stories about other women with breast cancer that continue to work through treatment, take their kids to hockey, start marathons, start charitable foundations, start websites for other women, participate in regular workouts and training programs and generally make the world a better place - despite chemo, surgery, radiation etc. That's certainly not me. I've been grumpy, sick, depressed, argumentative, clingy, needy and extraordinarily good at putting on a courageous face to everyone outside my own little nest. I've accomplished nothing other than cleaning some closets and cupboards, getting Dave's mom to her appointments, making endless lists of things to do, getting through Christmas (OK, that took some doing!) and watching every episode of 'What not to Wear' ever made... as well as reruns. See, I'm moaning again but the sun's shining, I'm ready to tackle all the condo tax receipts and hopefully I'll decide today whether to bite the bullet and book our tickets to Pawleys before my next surgery Jan 29th. What the hell, it's only money (egads)! I think I'll even try to book some lunch dates with my buddies next week! That always cheers me up, so look out.
The Start of Phase II - or is it Phase III???
Anyway, today was my first Herceptin/non chemo treatment. Except for the fact that I need to keep remembering that "I" am in mostly in charge of keeping my treatment schedule on track, it went fine. Except for the fact that I waited for bloodwork (which I didn't have to have) and then waited for the Dr. to sign off on the Taxotere (that I've finished), all went smoothly. Next time, I'll make sure I remember to let the desk know exactly what I'm supposed to be getting as soon as I get there - rather than waiting 1/2 an hour only to say "but I'm not suppossed to have that this week", they look it up and say "oh, right". But all I have is time on my hands right now so I can't complain much. When I get back to work it will be more of an issue to try and get the schedule a little less drawn out. Also found out that I really am tired since my blood counts are actually a bit lower than 3 weeks ago - not unusual due to the accumulating effect of the chemo but should start to rebound and move higher over the next 8 weeks, therefore, more energy! I also have low/normal blood pressure (which I've always known) so that doesn't help.
Anyway, enough medical stuff. I met up with Sara and Emily this afternoon and we did a bit more Christmas shopping. Poor M's suffering from the remains of a cold and cough and was fine for the first 1/2 hour but then showed her true 'terrible 2' colours and wasn't having much fun for the rest of the expedition - sitting in the shopping cart is equivalent to torture it seems - she wants to 'me walk' but it's like walking with a darting gekko! Sara had that typical 'frazzled Mom' look on her face, especially after Emily was playing "on the chair/off the chair" in McDonald's (she wanted lunch and then ate nothing!) and ended up on her head upside down between the chair and the wall. No blood or major catastrophe but that signalled the end of our shopping day. At least until the alarm went off when we were leaving and the ancient "Santa-greeter" decided all our stuff needed to be inspected and he disappeared with only 1 of 5 bags for what seemed like forever. Only to say it was OK and when the alarm went off again and not to pay any attention and just keep going.... duh! Hopefully our predicted 'Snowmaggedon' won't be as bad as they say tomorrow and I can head to the mall to maybe even finish????? A story for another day!
Anyway, enough medical stuff. I met up with Sara and Emily this afternoon and we did a bit more Christmas shopping. Poor M's suffering from the remains of a cold and cough and was fine for the first 1/2 hour but then showed her true 'terrible 2' colours and wasn't having much fun for the rest of the expedition - sitting in the shopping cart is equivalent to torture it seems - she wants to 'me walk' but it's like walking with a darting gekko! Sara had that typical 'frazzled Mom' look on her face, especially after Emily was playing "on the chair/off the chair" in McDonald's (she wanted lunch and then ate nothing!) and ended up on her head upside down between the chair and the wall. No blood or major catastrophe but that signalled the end of our shopping day. At least until the alarm went off when we were leaving and the ancient "Santa-greeter" decided all our stuff needed to be inspected and he disappeared with only 1 of 5 bags for what seemed like forever. Only to say it was OK and when the alarm went off again and not to pay any attention and just keep going.... duh! Hopefully our predicted 'Snowmaggedon' won't be as bad as they say tomorrow and I can head to the mall to maybe even finish????? A story for another day!
So, like, I'm WAITING already?........
Waiting, to feel like myself, whatever that is. I know, I'm dreadfully impatient. I can handle the prickly head, the no eyebrows or eyelashes, the runny nose and eyes. But if anyone knows where my real tastebuds are, can you please return them?
Dave and I spent 4 days in the Land of Mouse (Orlando), just returning in the wee hours today. We had a fabulous trip across Florida just to have dinner at one of our favourite places, Frenchie's Rockaway Grill on the beach in Clearwater. Nothing like watching the sunset and having dinner right on the beach with the warm breeze reminding you that only yesterday you were freezing your butt off! I figure my 'taste-o-meter' is at about 80% but still not enough to risk wasting a good glass of wine or beer just in case. However, the Cajun scallops Dave ordered were pretty good and my beloved grouper sandwich and clam chowder were good enough that I ate most of it. Other things though, still can't cut it and it's sure disappointing when you're all ready for something mouth watering that doesn't taste just quite right. Oh well, I blew all sensibility out of the water and did some major shopping for the babies for Christmas - I love being able to buy spring clothes in December! Orlando's pretty high on the 'tacky' side with everything bowing to the Lord of Disney but you can actually buy stuff without Mickey on it if you look hard enough. We had some fun times with the racing group from Ontario that were at the show and I finally decided that I NEVER want to live in Florida... South Carolina for me all the way. After landing last night after midnight and walking what seemed like from Windsor through the terminal, we finally got home about 2:15am and crashed, but good! I was sorry I didn't have the energy for the drive to Cayuga for the kids Christmas party but we did manage to get to the local market and get a Christmas tree to put up tonight after Dave gets home from hockey - I'll do some pleading and get him to light a fire while we decorate it and then - maybe - I'll start to feel Christmas-y. This week will be my week to get into the spirit, wrap some
presents, write Christmas cards and finish my shopping, I hope! My next Herceptin treatment is Thurs but they tell me there are no side efffects with this stuff on it's own - I'm counting on that! Well, better bring some boxes of decorations upstairs and get ready for the big transformation!!!!
Dave and I spent 4 days in the Land of Mouse (Orlando), just returning in the wee hours today. We had a fabulous trip across Florida just to have dinner at one of our favourite places, Frenchie's Rockaway Grill on the beach in Clearwater. Nothing like watching the sunset and having dinner right on the beach with the warm breeze reminding you that only yesterday you were freezing your butt off! I figure my 'taste-o-meter' is at about 80% but still not enough to risk wasting a good glass of wine or beer just in case. However, the Cajun scallops Dave ordered were pretty good and my beloved grouper sandwich and clam chowder were good enough that I ate most of it. Other things though, still can't cut it and it's sure disappointing when you're all ready for something mouth watering that doesn't taste just quite right. Oh well, I blew all sensibility out of the water and did some major shopping for the babies for Christmas - I love being able to buy spring clothes in December! Orlando's pretty high on the 'tacky' side with everything bowing to the Lord of Disney but you can actually buy stuff without Mickey on it if you look hard enough. We had some fun times with the racing group from Ontario that were at the show and I finally decided that I NEVER want to live in Florida... South Carolina for me all the way. After landing last night after midnight and walking what seemed like from Windsor through the terminal, we finally got home about 2:15am and crashed, but good! I was sorry I didn't have the energy for the drive to Cayuga for the kids Christmas party but we did manage to get to the local market and get a Christmas tree to put up tonight after Dave gets home from hockey - I'll do some pleading and get him to light a fire while we decorate it and then - maybe - I'll start to feel Christmas-y. This week will be my week to get into the spirit, wrap some
presents, write Christmas cards and finish my shopping, I hope! My next Herceptin treatment is Thurs but they tell me there are no side efffects with this stuff on it's own - I'm counting on that! Well, better bring some boxes of decorations upstairs and get ready for the big transformation!!!!
I'm Done!!!
Just a quick note to day that my final chemo treatment is OVER! Kathleen, Dan and Sara came with me today to celebrate this final step in this part of the journey. Oh, and my beautiful little Bear 'Hope' that Jaclyn, Rawyn and Rion gave me was there too to make the day complete. Time now to start the recovery process and get myself back to good health, good emotions and the ability to get back to my friends and family socially! Thanks for all your good wishes, they surely helped along the way!
Filling the void....
Dear Father (or Mother), it's been almost 21 days since my last post. No offence to the Catholics out there. In fact I've always envied them the act of Confession... as a Presbyterian, I never really felt I had something quite so concrete to bare my soul and get some direct forgiveness in person. I'd better stop before I dig the hole any deeper.
It's been an eventful 3 weeks of feeling more tired than I can ever remember, some rough days in the beginning after the treatment, up and down emotions, missed celebrations, wonderful celebrations and, most importantly the run-up to tomorrow - my final chemo treatment. Waaaay back in July when I knew this would be starting I was blase, confident I could withstand anything, anticipating that I'd have a few months to enjoy life, visit with my grandchildren and get some of those neglected projects out of the way. The Goddess of Health has brought me back to earth with a bang and it didn't exactly turn out that way. I've done my share of whining, complaining, crying and whinge-ing - that was my Grandmother's word and I always loved it - 'ach, stop yer winge-ing' in an Irish accent never needed explaining. There are many who have had more difficult experiences than me and I can only say that in my sane moments I thank God and all my lucky stars that it's not been worse than it has. But, never having been sick before, it's taken it's toll and forced me to understand that sometimes you need to get worse to get better. So here I am - the night before the final #6. Grateful that this part of the journey will be over but nervous about 'what's next'. Oh, not the surgery, I can deal with that part of it knowing that it's all for ensuring the best case going forward. But it's the rest of the wondering... did the chemo work? Will I always be wondering 'what's next'? I hope not. I'm generally ridiculously optimistic by nature and hope that, along with my general feeling of 'feeling good' that that is one of the first things to return. Dan's coming with me tomorrow and , hopefully, Sara... Emy has come down with the dreaded pink-eye again so we'll have to see if Sara's able to make it. Whether Kathleen can get the day off is still up in the air. Every one of the kids has been with me at least once and have been pillars of support to me both directly and behind the scenes. Never underestimate the powers of your adult children to know what's going on and ensure things get done. Dave's been my punching bag, shoulder to cry on, nurse, errand boy and strength through all of this as well - he's been holding it all together in some semblance of normalcy when nothing's normal. My sister is right there lurking in the background, ready to drop everything and jump in at a moment's notice. Luckily nothings been drastic enough to have to resort to that. I enjoy our goofy phone conversations and family catchup calls. All my friends keep sending me lovely messages, cards, e-mails and words of encouragement.
So here we go... my committment is to keep my posts from now on about recovery not symptoms and side effects. As Dan and Laurie keep telling me, 'it's all good' and I have lots of positives to look forward to and that's my plan.
And thank you Bob for letting me know that my little article you delightfully included in 'Performance in Motion' has become an international traveller!!!!!
It's been an eventful 3 weeks of feeling more tired than I can ever remember, some rough days in the beginning after the treatment, up and down emotions, missed celebrations, wonderful celebrations and, most importantly the run-up to tomorrow - my final chemo treatment. Waaaay back in July when I knew this would be starting I was blase, confident I could withstand anything, anticipating that I'd have a few months to enjoy life, visit with my grandchildren and get some of those neglected projects out of the way. The Goddess of Health has brought me back to earth with a bang and it didn't exactly turn out that way. I've done my share of whining, complaining, crying and whinge-ing - that was my Grandmother's word and I always loved it - 'ach, stop yer winge-ing' in an Irish accent never needed explaining. There are many who have had more difficult experiences than me and I can only say that in my sane moments I thank God and all my lucky stars that it's not been worse than it has. But, never having been sick before, it's taken it's toll and forced me to understand that sometimes you need to get worse to get better. So here I am - the night before the final #6. Grateful that this part of the journey will be over but nervous about 'what's next'. Oh, not the surgery, I can deal with that part of it knowing that it's all for ensuring the best case going forward. But it's the rest of the wondering... did the chemo work? Will I always be wondering 'what's next'? I hope not. I'm generally ridiculously optimistic by nature and hope that, along with my general feeling of 'feeling good' that that is one of the first things to return. Dan's coming with me tomorrow and , hopefully, Sara... Emy has come down with the dreaded pink-eye again so we'll have to see if Sara's able to make it. Whether Kathleen can get the day off is still up in the air. Every one of the kids has been with me at least once and have been pillars of support to me both directly and behind the scenes. Never underestimate the powers of your adult children to know what's going on and ensure things get done. Dave's been my punching bag, shoulder to cry on, nurse, errand boy and strength through all of this as well - he's been holding it all together in some semblance of normalcy when nothing's normal. My sister is right there lurking in the background, ready to drop everything and jump in at a moment's notice. Luckily nothings been drastic enough to have to resort to that. I enjoy our goofy phone conversations and family catchup calls. All my friends keep sending me lovely messages, cards, e-mails and words of encouragement.
So here we go... my committment is to keep my posts from now on about recovery not symptoms and side effects. As Dan and Laurie keep telling me, 'it's all good' and I have lots of positives to look forward to and that's my plan.
And thank you Bob for letting me know that my little article you delightfully included in 'Performance in Motion' has become an international traveller!!!!!
The light at the end of the tunnell!
5 down, 1 to do. Hard to believe but I'm very glad to be looking at the back end of this adventure. Not that it's done. I'll need to get the Herceptin infusion every 3 weeks but that's a hormone and really has no side effects but for some manageable fatigue. I can build it into my regular schedule. I'll also need to take another pill for up to 5 years but that's OK too. Tired today but just laying around, reading and watching TV between snoozes. I'm hoping tomorrow will be a good day and I can get Miss Daisy to Bradford to get her hair done and out for lunch. Kathleen and Jess are picking Dave up at the airport for me so that is one trip I won't have to make - it sure will be good to have him home. Sara was a star and got me to my treatment, looked after me well and is my general morale booster. Off to the CanAm end of season banquet in Cayuga I hope on Sunday with a chance to see Dan, Laurie, Rion and the girls - that will definitely be a treat. Things are definitely looking better and my goal will be to stay away from all stray bugs over the next weeks.
Nothing like a sunny Sunday to boost your spirits!
AND the Leafs won, AND the Raptors won! Dave's in Las Vegas this week at the automotive industry's biggest trade show of the year and he'll have a great time. He'll probably wear out a pair of shoes but the the friends he'll meet, connections they'll make and general 'car talk' is a once a year event. I'm laying low, trying to keep healthy and prepping my head for Treatment #5 on Thurs. Since being so sick after the last one (though it had nothing to do with the treatment other than making my immune system defenseless) my BRAIN is gearing up for another miserable time. Mind over matter and that's my job this week - not to let it get to me and feel good. Lot's happening over the next weeks to be ready for - Job Skill's 20th Anniversary celebration (I even bought something new to wear when I was away!), the Twisted Lemon 'France' wine class on the 22nd, babysitting my darling grandson on the 15th, 4 birthdays (Chris, today, Sylvia on the 17th (94!!), Laurie on the 21st and Emy on the 30th. Wow, November has ended up being our busiest b'day month! And then, the grand finale I hope, my final chemo session on the 27th... that will be HUGE! As of December 1st, my pledge is to spend no more time talking about my body, how I feel or anything other than what I'm doing to re-energize myself and rebuild my flabby, out of shape self over the next 6 months. As for today, I plan to enjoy some of this sunshine, put away some outside furniture and bask in what's left of fall.
One little step at a time.
Feeling a bit better today. The general achiness and stuffiness from the cold seem to have finally moved off - thank goodness! Still have the problems with my mouth and talking is painful so I don't. My lips would only be alluring to a sex-starved alligator. Dave brought me ice cream and creamsicles last night and made me a protein-packed milkshake so that went down nice and easy. I know he's concerned that I'm not eating but it's just been really hard. Being 'sick' on top of the treatment side effects was not something I'd ever anticipated and it's been tough - but I feel my optimistic self clawing its way to the surface again. It will be SO NICE to be able to get out, maybe see some of my friends, talk to my family on the phone and maybe even GET OUT OF MY PYJAMAS AND TOQUE! Dave will especially be glad to see that I'm sure even though he laughs at the toque - it's his after all!! I feel like Rip Van Winkle though. I came home from vacation, had a treatment, felt icky for a couple of days, then got sick for 10 days and now it's WINTER!!! What the heck happened to fall in the middle? And Friday's Halloween and I don't even have a pumpkin! In all my life I don't ever remember not having a pumpkin for Halloween. Come hell or high water I will get out of this damned house and get one for Friday - even if it's not carved I don't care.
The funniest thing we've been monitoring over the past weeks has been the stupid leaf garland I have hanging around the front door. It looks really nice but likes to fly off in the wind and we then have to figure out where it's landed. It's been at the neighbours, in the pine tree at the end of the yard, under the car and - after last nights bluster and blow - is now wrapped about 20' up in the maple tree BEHIND the house... the thing has a life of it's own and I think will stay there until spring, stupid thing.
Time for another creamsicle. I'm sure next week will be much better so look out! I'll be back!
The funniest thing we've been monitoring over the past weeks has been the stupid leaf garland I have hanging around the front door. It looks really nice but likes to fly off in the wind and we then have to figure out where it's landed. It's been at the neighbours, in the pine tree at the end of the yard, under the car and - after last nights bluster and blow - is now wrapped about 20' up in the maple tree BEHIND the house... the thing has a life of it's own and I think will stay there until spring, stupid thing.
Time for another creamsicle. I'm sure next week will be much better so look out! I'll be back!
I know I'm always accused of being 'ever the optimist'...
... but not this week. I somehow picked up a cold last Fri. I'd been feeling better and actually managed to get out to get some things done over a couple of days including getting Dave's mom to the hairdresser and for lunch. Regardless of my situation, she depends pretty much on me to get out of the house and not feel like a hermit. All her 'drivers' seem to have gone by the wayside so I try at least once a week to get her to Bradford, lunch and anything else she needs to do... and it's a nice afternoon!
However, by Friday night I knew I was coming down with something. My nose was running like a tap, I was sneezing like crazy and Sat/Sun it hit me hard. I did keep taking my temperature and it's only gone over 38C once (today) and that was probably just an anomaly. My real problem is my nose and my mouth. My nose is so raw it bleeds when I blow it and my mouth and lips are canker-city making it really hard to eat. I did call the clinic and they said my body is just down on its defences and will have to work harder and longer to get better. I haven't poked my head out the door since Friday and I'm feeling like a mushroom - and have about as much energy as one. Also, this is one of the most important few days (workwise) in the sector I work in. Not to go into details but there's a huge amount of work that needs to be done to position organizations like the one I work for for the next stage and I've been reading all the documentation that needs to be prepared. Nothing I can do about it but I can certainly feel guilty about not being there to assist and be part of the whole process. Everyone will be just fine without me but it's hard not being part of something this important for an organization you feel so strongly about.
Hopefully I'll be feeling better by the time Dave leaves for Las Vegas on Saturday. I'll be really jealous knowing he's spending a week in the sun and warmth 'working'!
However, by Friday night I knew I was coming down with something. My nose was running like a tap, I was sneezing like crazy and Sat/Sun it hit me hard. I did keep taking my temperature and it's only gone over 38C once (today) and that was probably just an anomaly. My real problem is my nose and my mouth. My nose is so raw it bleeds when I blow it and my mouth and lips are canker-city making it really hard to eat. I did call the clinic and they said my body is just down on its defences and will have to work harder and longer to get better. I haven't poked my head out the door since Friday and I'm feeling like a mushroom - and have about as much energy as one. Also, this is one of the most important few days (workwise) in the sector I work in. Not to go into details but there's a huge amount of work that needs to be done to position organizations like the one I work for for the next stage and I've been reading all the documentation that needs to be prepared. Nothing I can do about it but I can certainly feel guilty about not being there to assist and be part of the whole process. Everyone will be just fine without me but it's hard not being part of something this important for an organization you feel so strongly about.
Hopefully I'll be feeling better by the time Dave leaves for Las Vegas on Saturday. I'll be really jealous knowing he's spending a week in the sun and warmth 'working'!
My latest journalistic endeavour - beats writing funding proposals!
One day, in a fit of journalistic enthusiasm (after one of my beloved 'Old Coots' car cruises with our great friends) I wrote this little article and sent it to my dear friend Bob. Surprisingly he liked it too and it's appeared in the Oct/Nov edition of "Performance in Motion". Thanks Bob, it's fun being published!!
“1953 Model, Fairly Good Condition. Needs some ongoing work and TLC. Good project for interested person who doesn’t expect perfection when complete.”
If I was a car ad, that would be me. Anyone who knows my husband and I know that we are car people. When we bought our house almost five years ago, I was impressed with the layout and garden potential; he was thrilled with the three car garage, parking for six cars in the driveway and the extra parking beside the garage. Needless to say, we have a collection – some that run and some that don’t. A couple of drivers, a drag race car, Molly the Motorhome, a classic cruiser, an enclosed trailer and the inevitable dusty project in the garage under the car cover lurking to annoy me. I’m always afraid that the Motor Vehicle Department will make us take out some kind of licence since, when family or friends visit, we usually have more vehicles than the average corner car lot.
All that aside, my current health situation gave me time to pause and think how much I can relate to many of our car adventures. I was diagnosed with Stage 1 breast cancer in April 2008. Not unlike one of those staggering reports from your mechanic, I received the news with shock and some minor freaking out since I’d noticed some changes months before, but put off the trip to the doctor. I remember the day we got the news that the Mercury Sable wagon we owned (and both hated) had blown head gaskets. Ye gads, that’s a major overhaul and extremely expensive fix! My doctor’s cancer diagnosis was much more compassionately and carefully explained, but produced the same gutwrenching, shocking reaction with one minor difference – I was not about to be put in the Auto Trader and disposed of quickly for as much money as we could get before I deteriorated beyond help. Thanks to early diagnosis, my treatment was to be quickly enacted and the often-annoying but, in this case wonderful Province of McGuinty would foot the bill.
And so my treatment started like so many of our automotive projects. My parts were inspected, prodded, photographed and hummed and hawed over. Great discussion ensued over the expectation of the final result and a concourse, ground up reconstruction was ruled out as unnecessary. Surgery was scheduled to remove the offending, defective part, and I was buttoned up and sent home to rest and recover until the next procedure. Careful examination of the offending part revealed that more work needed to be done so off I was sent to surgery again – a minor fix that was sufficient to let me start my next part of the journey, chemotherapy. In generally excellent health and not so rusty to cause concern, it was determined that I could take the heavy-duty package for maximum performance at the end. Not unlike flushing and replacing all the car’s fluids, I was fitted with a port to make fluid infusion easier and sat there as they flushed my own custom industrial strength cocktail through my tubing to ensure that no stray little cancer bits were still floating around looking for a place to land and cause more disintegration. Unlike most engine flushes, however, I’m to endure this process five more times to be sure everything’s gone.
Now, being the base 1953 model, I came with few extra options. Over the years, I’ve “blinged” her up a bit on occasion, but the base model stayed pretty much the same. The chemo will cause me to go from being a hardtop to having a sunroof, but my new wig, hats and scarves will let me be a convertible on occasion – pretty cool to be sure. After all my treatments are done, hubby and I have made the decision to do a minor accessory removal that will be replaced with a fake part that, hopefully, no one but he will ever notice! The best body job is one that no one ever knows was done, right!
So our love of everything automotive continues…. Many of our friends in our “Old Coots” cruise club have gone through similar “adventures” with both themselves and their classic vehicles. Engines and (body) parts have been “refreshed”, axles have been repaired or replaced, fluids have been changed and the occasional “octane booster” is required to keep everything running just right. Some are closer to the original “off the assembly line” perfection than others, but we all share a deep love for our cars and each other. We share each other’s good times and bad and rally round when someone or something breaks down and needs a little roadside assistance in the form of a tool, a boost or a shoulder to lean on.
So like the dusty project that is my Comet in the garage, I am like my car. The washer fluid leaks for unexplained reasons, the radio occasionally blares, the cooling system is not working and at best blows warm air, with the occasional blasts of unexplained heat for a few moments. The rust is being cut away and, with time, she will be put back together, shiny and rejuvenated and on the road in good driving condition. Until that time, she sits and I grumble about the waste of a great car just sitting there gathering dust, while all our efforts go into other things. “Even though we both love that car, she’s a mess. Why don’t we just get rid of her and let someone else put their love and energy into her?” I ask Darling Husband. “Honey, I wouldn’t get rid of YOU would I?” he responds. Damn, I love the man to death, so grateful he doesn’t expect perfection, and the washer fluid is leaking again.
“1953 Model, Fairly Good Condition. Needs some ongoing work and TLC. Good project for interested person who doesn’t expect perfection when complete.”
If I was a car ad, that would be me. Anyone who knows my husband and I know that we are car people. When we bought our house almost five years ago, I was impressed with the layout and garden potential; he was thrilled with the three car garage, parking for six cars in the driveway and the extra parking beside the garage. Needless to say, we have a collection – some that run and some that don’t. A couple of drivers, a drag race car, Molly the Motorhome, a classic cruiser, an enclosed trailer and the inevitable dusty project in the garage under the car cover lurking to annoy me. I’m always afraid that the Motor Vehicle Department will make us take out some kind of licence since, when family or friends visit, we usually have more vehicles than the average corner car lot.
All that aside, my current health situation gave me time to pause and think how much I can relate to many of our car adventures. I was diagnosed with Stage 1 breast cancer in April 2008. Not unlike one of those staggering reports from your mechanic, I received the news with shock and some minor freaking out since I’d noticed some changes months before, but put off the trip to the doctor. I remember the day we got the news that the Mercury Sable wagon we owned (and both hated) had blown head gaskets. Ye gads, that’s a major overhaul and extremely expensive fix! My doctor’s cancer diagnosis was much more compassionately and carefully explained, but produced the same gutwrenching, shocking reaction with one minor difference – I was not about to be put in the Auto Trader and disposed of quickly for as much money as we could get before I deteriorated beyond help. Thanks to early diagnosis, my treatment was to be quickly enacted and the often-annoying but, in this case wonderful Province of McGuinty would foot the bill.
And so my treatment started like so many of our automotive projects. My parts were inspected, prodded, photographed and hummed and hawed over. Great discussion ensued over the expectation of the final result and a concourse, ground up reconstruction was ruled out as unnecessary. Surgery was scheduled to remove the offending, defective part, and I was buttoned up and sent home to rest and recover until the next procedure. Careful examination of the offending part revealed that more work needed to be done so off I was sent to surgery again – a minor fix that was sufficient to let me start my next part of the journey, chemotherapy. In generally excellent health and not so rusty to cause concern, it was determined that I could take the heavy-duty package for maximum performance at the end. Not unlike flushing and replacing all the car’s fluids, I was fitted with a port to make fluid infusion easier and sat there as they flushed my own custom industrial strength cocktail through my tubing to ensure that no stray little cancer bits were still floating around looking for a place to land and cause more disintegration. Unlike most engine flushes, however, I’m to endure this process five more times to be sure everything’s gone.
Now, being the base 1953 model, I came with few extra options. Over the years, I’ve “blinged” her up a bit on occasion, but the base model stayed pretty much the same. The chemo will cause me to go from being a hardtop to having a sunroof, but my new wig, hats and scarves will let me be a convertible on occasion – pretty cool to be sure. After all my treatments are done, hubby and I have made the decision to do a minor accessory removal that will be replaced with a fake part that, hopefully, no one but he will ever notice! The best body job is one that no one ever knows was done, right!
So our love of everything automotive continues…. Many of our friends in our “Old Coots” cruise club have gone through similar “adventures” with both themselves and their classic vehicles. Engines and (body) parts have been “refreshed”, axles have been repaired or replaced, fluids have been changed and the occasional “octane booster” is required to keep everything running just right. Some are closer to the original “off the assembly line” perfection than others, but we all share a deep love for our cars and each other. We share each other’s good times and bad and rally round when someone or something breaks down and needs a little roadside assistance in the form of a tool, a boost or a shoulder to lean on.
So like the dusty project that is my Comet in the garage, I am like my car. The washer fluid leaks for unexplained reasons, the radio occasionally blares, the cooling system is not working and at best blows warm air, with the occasional blasts of unexplained heat for a few moments. The rust is being cut away and, with time, she will be put back together, shiny and rejuvenated and on the road in good driving condition. Until that time, she sits and I grumble about the waste of a great car just sitting there gathering dust, while all our efforts go into other things. “Even though we both love that car, she’s a mess. Why don’t we just get rid of her and let someone else put their love and energy into her?” I ask Darling Husband. “Honey, I wouldn’t get rid of YOU would I?” he responds. Damn, I love the man to death, so grateful he doesn’t expect perfection, and the washer fluid is leaking again.
A long wait but lots in between!
Hard to believe it's been since Oct 3rd since I've updated here but lots has sure happened. We had a delightful gathering on the 4th with Maggie in town - sure was great to see her and all the other kids in the same place at the same time. That certainly doesn't happen very often any more. Kids, grandkids, nieces, nephews and friends - good food and some wine - what more could you ask for. Rion was officially introduced to Grandma Turner - 93 years of family on the same couch, what a delight. It's so much fun to have little ones in the mix again. Emy and Carter had a great time with M swinging Carter in his swing - he loved it! Next year we'll have 3 little ones probably running around creating chaos and amusing us all. Mag looks like the west agrees with her and, after a visit with her Mom, Andrea, Grandma and Grandpa up north will be heading back to Invermere before her next adventure takes her to Vancouver. She's definitely the wanderer in the family.
Dave and I headed out on the 6th to our place in South Carolina for 8 days. Two quick flights - Buffalo/Charlotte/Charlotte/Myrtle Beach and we were winging down Hwy 17 on the way to Pawelys Island. It sure was nice to open the front door to 'home' and feel the cares of the world drop off your shoulders. A couple of days of playing Mr. Fixit to do some minor repairs and installations and prepare for Laura, Sara and Emy to arrive Tues night - which they did, tired but excited just after midnight. 'M' apparently is a 'traveller extraordinaire' and managed 2 airports and connecting flights just fine. Aunt Laura, the miracle worker once again, picked up a fantastic little 'leash' consisting of a puppy backpack with strap that let her walk on her own but not be able to dash off - quick as lightening is that little girl! 'Puppy' was a godsend for the whole trip be it shopping, at the beach or just going for walks. She also had great fun pushing pupply in her stroller around the apartment and on the porch - always very careful to make sure the rain hood on the stroller was 'just so' - we laughed at that a lot. Oh, and did we eat! Eat in, eat out, we never seemed to stop and I'm sure the pictures will be a testament to the fact. It sure was great to have such a wonderful time with my 2 'nurses', extraordinary husband who puts up with all my eccentricities and foibles and that wonderful little girl. Can't wait to have the rest of the kids all together at the beach again soon. A couple of rainy days but lots of sun, beach time and pool time was just what the Dr. ordered for me especially before coming back on the 14th in time for my next treatment on the 16th. Before that though I did get to spend a few hours with Rawny and Jaclyn and take them to dance class while Dan, Laurie, Rion and Grandma Pat spend the day at a trade show in Brantford promoting Twisted Lemon. I was so glad to be able to help them out in some small way. It was also great to see Pat at the end of the day. I haven't seen her for many weeks and look forward to getting together with her soon to catch up on grandma stuff and hear about her wonderful trip to the Galapagos. This unpredicable mess of how I'll be feeling on any given day sure makes it hard to plan or commit to anything. Anyway, the girls and I had a great time.
I have to say a special thank you to Kathleen and Chris for keeping Grandma company while we were away - I just can't leave and not know someone's here every day to make sure she's OK - Kathleen has become the unofficial 'Grandma sitter' when we go away but I don't like to take advantage of her time and kindness - even though I know she does like having the use of one of our vehicles for that time!!! And a very special thank you to Dan and Laurie for including her in the Lilliman Thanksgiving dinner - she had a fabulous time and it was a very special time for her to be included in that family gathering!
T#4 was on Thursday and I, very luckily had no allergic reactions that can come with this cocktail mix of Taxotere and Herceptin. Did seem to pick up some kind of an intestinal bug that kept me up all night in the bathroom but I'm sure that was completely coincidental. Sara came with me to the hospital, stayed overnight to make sure I was OK and then managed a well-deserved visit with Katy and Ben before heading back to Fergus on Friday. Sat and Sunday have been, well, blah. Just feel kind of flu-ey, no energy whatsover and completely ticked off that I'm probably missing one of the nicest fall weekends we'll have. Dave and I did manage to get some of the plants cleaned up off the deck, brought in the ones we hope will overwinter downstairs and I actually did some more trimming this afternoon. The 'grocery shopping fairly' didn't arrive so I headed to the store to pick up some stuff and then spent about an hour pulling more plants in the front - it sure was nice to be out in the sun for a bit rather than huddled under a quilt on the couch - I think I'm the world's worst patient - impatient that is! Now it's time for some popcorn to get this yucky taste out of my mouth, a bit of the Martinsville race and probably more nap time. I'm glad Dave managed to get to the final race at Cayuga this afternoon and wrap up his race season on such a beautiful day. He spends so much time looking after me, it's nice for him to be able to get out with 'the guys' and do something he really loves.
I missed Thanksgiving here and just wanted to take the time to say how grateful and thankful I am for everything - this type of situation sure makes to sit up and take notice of how lucky you really are despite some bad things that happen. I'm so grateful for all my family that have rallied around, made sacrifices to get me to things, call me every day and just make sure I'm OK. I'm every grateful for my loving husband who, in his own quiet way, takes charge and makes sure I get everything I need - despite my occasional scaring him by fainting on the floor! To my 2 nurses, Laura and Sara, thanks for keeping me on my toes and making sure I follow all instructions and don't let anything slip by that the cancer team should know about. I've finally agreed that this is not the time to 'tough it out' and play possum like there's nothing wrong. To all my friends, colleagues and extended family - including Peter - thanks for the e-mails, phone calls, online jokes and general good wishes. It gets pretty lonely and isolated when you're sick like this at home and I look forward to hearing from each and every one of you. I'm 60% there and counting down until the end of the treatments, getting better and moving on with the next phase of whatever God has in store for me - lots I hope! Job Skills has their 20th anniversary dinner in November, there's another delicious Twisted Lemon Wine class in November too, Christmas is coming, wedding plans are needing to be finalized and spring will be here before we all know it! I love each and every one of you and hold you dearly in my hearts every day.
Dave and I headed out on the 6th to our place in South Carolina for 8 days. Two quick flights - Buffalo/Charlotte/Charlotte/Myrtle Beach and we were winging down Hwy 17 on the way to Pawelys Island. It sure was nice to open the front door to 'home' and feel the cares of the world drop off your shoulders. A couple of days of playing Mr. Fixit to do some minor repairs and installations and prepare for Laura, Sara and Emy to arrive Tues night - which they did, tired but excited just after midnight. 'M' apparently is a 'traveller extraordinaire' and managed 2 airports and connecting flights just fine. Aunt Laura, the miracle worker once again, picked up a fantastic little 'leash' consisting of a puppy backpack with strap that let her walk on her own but not be able to dash off - quick as lightening is that little girl! 'Puppy' was a godsend for the whole trip be it shopping, at the beach or just going for walks. She also had great fun pushing pupply in her stroller around the apartment and on the porch - always very careful to make sure the rain hood on the stroller was 'just so' - we laughed at that a lot. Oh, and did we eat! Eat in, eat out, we never seemed to stop and I'm sure the pictures will be a testament to the fact. It sure was great to have such a wonderful time with my 2 'nurses', extraordinary husband who puts up with all my eccentricities and foibles and that wonderful little girl. Can't wait to have the rest of the kids all together at the beach again soon. A couple of rainy days but lots of sun, beach time and pool time was just what the Dr. ordered for me especially before coming back on the 14th in time for my next treatment on the 16th. Before that though I did get to spend a few hours with Rawny and Jaclyn and take them to dance class while Dan, Laurie, Rion and Grandma Pat spend the day at a trade show in Brantford promoting Twisted Lemon. I was so glad to be able to help them out in some small way. It was also great to see Pat at the end of the day. I haven't seen her for many weeks and look forward to getting together with her soon to catch up on grandma stuff and hear about her wonderful trip to the Galapagos. This unpredicable mess of how I'll be feeling on any given day sure makes it hard to plan or commit to anything. Anyway, the girls and I had a great time.
I have to say a special thank you to Kathleen and Chris for keeping Grandma company while we were away - I just can't leave and not know someone's here every day to make sure she's OK - Kathleen has become the unofficial 'Grandma sitter' when we go away but I don't like to take advantage of her time and kindness - even though I know she does like having the use of one of our vehicles for that time!!! And a very special thank you to Dan and Laurie for including her in the Lilliman Thanksgiving dinner - she had a fabulous time and it was a very special time for her to be included in that family gathering!
T#4 was on Thursday and I, very luckily had no allergic reactions that can come with this cocktail mix of Taxotere and Herceptin. Did seem to pick up some kind of an intestinal bug that kept me up all night in the bathroom but I'm sure that was completely coincidental. Sara came with me to the hospital, stayed overnight to make sure I was OK and then managed a well-deserved visit with Katy and Ben before heading back to Fergus on Friday. Sat and Sunday have been, well, blah. Just feel kind of flu-ey, no energy whatsover and completely ticked off that I'm probably missing one of the nicest fall weekends we'll have. Dave and I did manage to get some of the plants cleaned up off the deck, brought in the ones we hope will overwinter downstairs and I actually did some more trimming this afternoon. The 'grocery shopping fairly' didn't arrive so I headed to the store to pick up some stuff and then spent about an hour pulling more plants in the front - it sure was nice to be out in the sun for a bit rather than huddled under a quilt on the couch - I think I'm the world's worst patient - impatient that is! Now it's time for some popcorn to get this yucky taste out of my mouth, a bit of the Martinsville race and probably more nap time. I'm glad Dave managed to get to the final race at Cayuga this afternoon and wrap up his race season on such a beautiful day. He spends so much time looking after me, it's nice for him to be able to get out with 'the guys' and do something he really loves.
I missed Thanksgiving here and just wanted to take the time to say how grateful and thankful I am for everything - this type of situation sure makes to sit up and take notice of how lucky you really are despite some bad things that happen. I'm so grateful for all my family that have rallied around, made sacrifices to get me to things, call me every day and just make sure I'm OK. I'm every grateful for my loving husband who, in his own quiet way, takes charge and makes sure I get everything I need - despite my occasional scaring him by fainting on the floor! To my 2 nurses, Laura and Sara, thanks for keeping me on my toes and making sure I follow all instructions and don't let anything slip by that the cancer team should know about. I've finally agreed that this is not the time to 'tough it out' and play possum like there's nothing wrong. To all my friends, colleagues and extended family - including Peter - thanks for the e-mails, phone calls, online jokes and general good wishes. It gets pretty lonely and isolated when you're sick like this at home and I look forward to hearing from each and every one of you. I'm 60% there and counting down until the end of the treatments, getting better and moving on with the next phase of whatever God has in store for me - lots I hope! Job Skills has their 20th anniversary dinner in November, there's another delicious Twisted Lemon Wine class in November too, Christmas is coming, wedding plans are needing to be finalized and spring will be here before we all know it! I love each and every one of you and hold you dearly in my hearts every day.
Whew, that was a loooooong haul....
But I've finally turned the corner and actually feel human again. Everyone said that this treatment (FEC) could be really hard on you but I guess I got a bit cocky since it hadn't been bad so far. Well, somebody decided to slap me upside the head and let me know who was in charge this time! But it's done and the next round (Taxotere + Herceptin for anyone that's interested) is not supposed to be nearly as hard to take. But even in the midst of all my misery and 'pity party' there were some lovely bright lights. I was so happy to attend our Small Business Week celebration on Oct 1st and meet up with all my colleagues I haven't seen for a while. It warms my heart to really understand that so many of these people are my friends, not just co-workers. Maggie's back home for a visit from out west and we're all getting together tomorrow - I'm really looking forward to that. This will be Dan and Laurie's first chance to introduce Rion to Grandma - and it's his 1 month birthday! I'll definitely have to get a picture with Sylvia, Dave, Dan and Rion - 4 generations, almost 94 years apart. Then it's off to Pawleys Island on Monday for 8 blissful days. I love going this time of year to grab one last gasp of summer before coming back to fall. Having Laura, Sara and Emy there will be like icing on the cake - this will be Emy's 1st visit to the ocean and we're planning on lots of 'sand and water' time as well as long walks on the beach. I just seem to relax differently while I'm there and I know my two 'nurses' won't let me overdo it in any way. I'll try to post some pics while we're away but otherwise I'll do it when I get back. The good wishes keep coming my way and I truly appreciate every single one of them.
Feels like the first time...
Only a bit worse I think. Damn, I had such an easy time of it on Round 2, I can't believe that this one hit me so hard. Wed was fine, Thurs was average but then it went downhill from there. Glad that 'the worst part' (the FEC treatment) is overwith because I sure wouldn't want to have to feel like this 3 more times. More gravol and sleep I think, maybe when I wake up tomorrow I'll feel better. Dave's been an angel keeping a cold cloth on my head, making sure I don't pass out, bringing me juice and tea, holding me when I feel like crying and generally doing everything I could ever ask. I know everyone's thinking about me and I thank you all for your thoughts - they'll get me through this yet again. I just want this chemical soup to do it`s job and get out of my body!
One step forward, 2 steps back...
Well, not so great today. Not horrible but certainly more tired and queasy than last time but good old Gravol and napping seems to help. I mentioned this to my home care nurse (that I was curious why this time I wouldn't feel as well) and she said 'maybe because you're going through chemo? Yep, I keep forgetting . After all this is #3 and I guess the battery acid accumulates in you after a while. I'll just take it easy, try to keep drinking, napping and not eating anything heave. So far, toast, oatmeal and I'm thinking applesauce and ice cream... mmm. Dave's home tonight - yeah - and I'm sure tomorrow will be better. I'll just keep reminding myself that I need to get better so I can truly enjoy my time at Pawleys and not do ANYTHING to jeopardize that! I'll be a good girl this time.
Woah, we're halfway there!
Quoting the every gorgeous Mr. Bon Jovi of course. "Whooah, were half way thereLivin on a prayerTake my hand and well make it - I swear Livin on a prayer".
T-3 is in the books and I'm FINISHED with FEC-D - my first treatment protocol, yahoo. This was the real industrial strength one that was recommended because I was healthy enough to handle it and, all in all, it's been much better than expected. A few bumps in the road along the way but usually 1 week of feeling about 75%, then 2 weeks of feeling about 95% so I surely can't complain.
There was a young woman (mid 30's?) beside me at my chemo session who was on the same treatment protocol as me but one treatment ahead so she had started the Taxotere/Herceptin mix. Nice lady and after we'd chatted a bit she said, "if we're on the same treatment schedule, how did you manage to keep your hair??" Best thing anyone could ever have said to me since I still feel self conscious wearing Wanda. Everyone to date that's said it looks good is a good friend and I'm never quite sure whether they mean it or are being polite. Well, now I have the confirmation that we're a good looking pair from a completely unbiased stranger - thank you whoever you are since I didn't get her name. Kathleen came with me and it was a great 4 hour bond-fest and she got to get all the 'learning' about the next phase. I'm glad since she missed the first teaching session. It took her a bit longer to wrap her head around all of this and get past the shock and fear, but she's right there now and realizes how wonderful the nurses and doctors are and that their goal is to make this as pleasant a phase as possible and minimize any discomfort.
Well, now I'm tired and off to bed. I'll be on the IV tomorrow and Fri, skip Sat to go to Louise's dads funereral service then one more 'drip day' on Sunday. Lots of good stuff happening over the next 2 weeks - including getting ready to go to Pawleys on the 6th for 8 day - can't wait since Laura, Sara and Emily are coming too! I can't wait to spend lots of beach time with Emy. She's only a2 months away from being 2, chattering up a storm and I'm sure we'll have lots of fun digging in the sand, chasing birds and playing in the ocean and pool, what fun! Signing off and thanks for the continued good wishes.
T-3 is in the books and I'm FINISHED with FEC-D - my first treatment protocol, yahoo. This was the real industrial strength one that was recommended because I was healthy enough to handle it and, all in all, it's been much better than expected. A few bumps in the road along the way but usually 1 week of feeling about 75%, then 2 weeks of feeling about 95% so I surely can't complain.
There was a young woman (mid 30's?) beside me at my chemo session who was on the same treatment protocol as me but one treatment ahead so she had started the Taxotere/Herceptin mix. Nice lady and after we'd chatted a bit she said, "if we're on the same treatment schedule, how did you manage to keep your hair??" Best thing anyone could ever have said to me since I still feel self conscious wearing Wanda. Everyone to date that's said it looks good is a good friend and I'm never quite sure whether they mean it or are being polite. Well, now I have the confirmation that we're a good looking pair from a completely unbiased stranger - thank you whoever you are since I didn't get her name. Kathleen came with me and it was a great 4 hour bond-fest and she got to get all the 'learning' about the next phase. I'm glad since she missed the first teaching session. It took her a bit longer to wrap her head around all of this and get past the shock and fear, but she's right there now and realizes how wonderful the nurses and doctors are and that their goal is to make this as pleasant a phase as possible and minimize any discomfort.
Well, now I'm tired and off to bed. I'll be on the IV tomorrow and Fri, skip Sat to go to Louise's dads funereral service then one more 'drip day' on Sunday. Lots of good stuff happening over the next 2 weeks - including getting ready to go to Pawleys on the 6th for 8 day - can't wait since Laura, Sara and Emily are coming too! I can't wait to spend lots of beach time with Emy. She's only a2 months away from being 2, chattering up a storm and I'm sure we'll have lots of fun digging in the sand, chasing birds and playing in the ocean and pool, what fun! Signing off and thanks for the continued good wishes.
My thoughts are with Louise today.
Louise's father Pat passed away today after a long struggle with Alzheimer's and cancer.
Louise and I met 8 years ago, became colleagues, then friends. Over the years we've shared books, recipes, stories, a crazy adventure or two, favourite TV shows and laughs. We've also shared the sad times over the deaths of both our mothers, joys and happy times of our kids growing, marrying and making us Nanas together. With Sandy, Louise and I, we always seem to be 'in step' on many of life's major joys and tragedies. My sister and I were at the hospital caring for my Dad in his last weeks when Louise's dad was admitted on the same floor. We visited each other's Dads and each other those couple of weeks with Louise and I running back to the office 'on shifts' to cover each other. Her Dad was, unfortunately, diagnosed with terminal lung cancer the week our Dad passed away - April 2007. Over this past year he has struggled with the dual burden of the cancer and progressive Alzheimers but Louise moved in with him and has been his primary caregiver all these months. It's been a hard and tragic time for her but the joy of her first grandson, the wedding of her youngest daughter and the pending birth of grandchild #2 has been the bright spot on many dark days.
Today is the end of that tough road for them both. Mr. Doyle, may you rest in peace and Louise - bless you for all you have done these past months. What little we could do to support you in your most challenging times never seemed to be enough. Rest now, dear friend, and know that we are with you in thought and mind as you put YOUR life back together and enjoy the wonderful family and friends that care about you and love your spirit and generous being.
Louise and I met 8 years ago, became colleagues, then friends. Over the years we've shared books, recipes, stories, a crazy adventure or two, favourite TV shows and laughs. We've also shared the sad times over the deaths of both our mothers, joys and happy times of our kids growing, marrying and making us Nanas together. With Sandy, Louise and I, we always seem to be 'in step' on many of life's major joys and tragedies. My sister and I were at the hospital caring for my Dad in his last weeks when Louise's dad was admitted on the same floor. We visited each other's Dads and each other those couple of weeks with Louise and I running back to the office 'on shifts' to cover each other. Her Dad was, unfortunately, diagnosed with terminal lung cancer the week our Dad passed away - April 2007. Over this past year he has struggled with the dual burden of the cancer and progressive Alzheimers but Louise moved in with him and has been his primary caregiver all these months. It's been a hard and tragic time for her but the joy of her first grandson, the wedding of her youngest daughter and the pending birth of grandchild #2 has been the bright spot on many dark days.
Today is the end of that tough road for them both. Mr. Doyle, may you rest in peace and Louise - bless you for all you have done these past months. What little we could do to support you in your most challenging times never seemed to be enough. Rest now, dear friend, and know that we are with you in thought and mind as you put YOUR life back together and enjoy the wonderful family and friends that care about you and love your spirit and generous being.
Free bird....
Dave, not me. Kissed him goodbye as he headed out to Phoenix Sat morning until next Thurs. Poor guy has to spend the next 5 days at a beautiful Arizona resort, play golf and sandwich a few days of business meetings into his recreational activities! Seriously, they'll get a lot of work done but it's sure nice to do it in a beautiful spot - especially when it's 98F, sunny and not humid. I'm drooling with envy. Taking Miss Daisy to Swiss Chalet today for lunch (I REALLY need to get out of the house), then starting some painting. We started the project on the stairs in the spring then got stumped by how to finish so painting the spindles white may get our butts in gear to decide on the final solution. It would be sooooooo nice to get this finished and the main floor hardwood done by Christmas. The deck demolition may get done this fall as well (hopefully the end of October), ready for reconstruction outside in preparation for Kathleen & Chris' wedding in July. Starting to tick off tasks in that regard. We've got the food ordered and they're bottled their wine yesterday... mmmmm. Bathrooms will get done in the spring too - when I'm back at work and am living above the poverty line again! It was very disappointing not to get to Chudleighs for apple picking on Saturday with Sara and Emy but I couldn't chance picking up her cold - delaying any of my treatments is the last thing I want to do. Normally I wouldn't have given it a second thought, now I'm turning into a nervous Nellie. Once Tuesday's done I'll be 50% there, yeah! Probably shouldn't be taking the time and $$ to go to Pawleys but it's essential for my sanity - I can honestly say that I think & feel completely differently when I'm there - it's my own personal little mind-escape. Kathleen and Chriss will come and stay at the house so I'm reassured Grandma isn't on her own for 8 days. I'm hoping next weekend will be nice enough for a hike through Mono Cliffs park - I love it there in the fall. I love fall in general and especially this year knowing that all this treatment mess will be done by fall's end. I'm also very happy that Laurie's mom Pat arrived home from her exciting S. American mission trip yesterday and is probably, as I write, cuddling her new grandson in her arms for the first time. Enjoy Pat, he's been waiting for Grandma Pat and Grandpa John's snuggles for 18 days! Hope to see you really soon. Maggie's due to arrive October 1st. It will be great to see her again before she heads back west. Party on the 4th, yahoo!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
