I'm grateful (very) but not gracious....

Happy New Year everyone. I hope everyone had a lovely holiday with family and friends and had too much good food, good company and good hockey - yea Juniors! As you can see from my heading, I've figured out my dilemma - I am very grateful for everything that has happened over the past 6 months. For the great doctors, our wonderful healthcare system that doesn't cause you a moment's 'how will I pay for this treatment' worry, to my extraordinary family and friends that have supported me along the way. I'm grateful that I'm beginning to feel better with some minor issues that will work themselves out in time. I'm grateful that I am scheduled to go back to work in March and have firmly determined that, without major changes to my lifestyle, I am NOT a homebody. I'm grateful that I have a wedding to plan and occupy my time and bank account for the next few months! I'm just generally grateful for everything that has assisted on my path to recovery. However, and it's a big however, I do not seem to be very gracious. I read all these wonderful stories about other women with breast cancer that continue to work through treatment, take their kids to hockey, start marathons, start charitable foundations, start websites for other women, participate in regular workouts and training programs and generally make the world a better place - despite chemo, surgery, radiation etc. That's certainly not me. I've been grumpy, sick, depressed, argumentative, clingy, needy and extraordinarily good at putting on a courageous face to everyone outside my own little nest. I've accomplished nothing other than cleaning some closets and cupboards, getting Dave's mom to her appointments, making endless lists of things to do, getting through Christmas (OK, that took some doing!) and watching every episode of 'What not to Wear' ever made... as well as reruns. See, I'm moaning again but the sun's shining, I'm ready to tackle all the condo tax receipts and hopefully I'll decide today whether to bite the bullet and book our tickets to Pawleys before my next surgery Jan 29th. What the hell, it's only money (egads)! I think I'll even try to book some lunch dates with my buddies next week! That always cheers me up, so look out.